12% Rise In Israelis Hoping Iranian Missiles Hit Noisy Neighbor’s House

A jump of about 2,000 since the same time last year, when the figure stood at just under 17,000.

Jerusalem, August 5 – The escalation of conflict between the Jewish State and both the proxies of the mullahs in Teheran and with the forces of the Islamic Republic itself has sparked an increase in anticipation of outright hostilities effecting a resolution of longstanding quarrels among local residents, with specific attention to the potential for the national enemy’s surface-to-surface high explosives taking out the troublesome other party.

A survey of tenants and homeowners across Israel has found a marked rise in the hope that Iranian missiles will hit the home of some particularly quarrelsome neighbors, thereby bringing an end to any ongoing or simmering enmities in the area, the public opinion statistics company Geocartographia announced Monday. The increase coincides with the continuation of drone, missile, mortar, and other attacks by Iranian proxies in Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, and the Gaza Strip since October 7 of last year.

Wartime slowdowns of routine legal channels, coming on the heels of a barely-cleared backlog of procedures from prolonged COVID lockdowns and delays, have driven Israelis to wonder whether other, quicker, more decisive resolutions to neighborly conflicts might present themselves. The prevalence of rockets from Gaza, now all but neutralized, and then from Lebanon, which rain on Israel almost daily, has sparked in many Israelis – a jump of about 2,000 since the same time last year, when the figure stood at just under 17,000 – the hope, even the prayer, that the country’s air defense systems fail only for weapons headed at the home of the person or family making everything awkward or unpleasant for everyone.

“It would save years of future heartache and tension if Iran blew up number 14,” seethed a resident of 18 K’far Bar’am Street in central Jerusalem. “The municipality has to draw the line for excessive noise at eleven p.m., but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to wait until 10:59 to end your rave. There are children and sick people who need to sleep. I hope Khamenei ends this once and for all.”

Some disputes involve more complicated areas of conflict. “Actually I was hoping for a rocket from either Gaza or Iran to hit a specific apartment in Nes Tziona,” stated a Jerusalem resident who, with a group of others, has been battling a claimant to an empty property in the neighborhood, who lives in that town just north of Rehovot.

Still others see demolition by ayatollah as the most efficient solution to thorny questions of legal boundaries and established property lines. “Our neighbors should built over the line but no one can force them to take down and rebuild further in,” lamented a denizen of a former slum area in south-central Jerusalem called Katamonim. “So maybe a ballistic strike or suicide drone will do the job, since the law won’t.”

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