To Undermine Splitters, Corbyn To Join Them

“This may be the first politically astute move Corbyn has ever made.”

Credit: Chris McAndrew via Wikimedia Commons

London, February 21 – British political strategists hailed a plan by the Labour Party Chairman to combat the departure of at least eight legislators from his faction’s ranks by resigning from the party as well and joining the new independents, where he will destroy them as he has Labour.

An eighth lawmaker joined the seven MPs who renounced their Labour party membership earlier this week over Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership failures, over festering antisemitism within the party and his mishandling of Labour’s approach to Britain’s imminent departure from the European Union, among other grievances. They further voiced frustration at Mr. Corbyn’s inability to mount a suitable alternative to a weak, unpopular Tory prime minister – a point that he now plans to exploit in bringing the Independents to their knees from within.

“Within the next week I will announce my own resignation from Labour,” announced the Opposition leader this morning (Thursday). “I will thus effectively join the other former Labour MPs who have already done so, and, using the experience and skills I have honed and proven over the last four years, I will render that group of independents so riven, so incapable, that they will no longer pose any political threat to Labour.”

Strategists predicted that Corbyn will likely invite various friends and close associates to join the new group of independents and help him compromise its effectiveness. “Hezbollah, Hamas, Sinn Fein, that sort of thing,” explained analyst Victor Quisling. “There are plenty of people of that sort he can call upon for that purpose. It would take just one or two, and then someone – doesn’t really matter whether it’s an insider or outsider – ‘finds’ the antisemitic, genocidal, or other problematic rhetoric of those members, which casts doubt on the moral integrity of the new independents for harboring such a figure in their midst. A few useless moves of the kind Corbyn has made already with Labour, and presto, the splitters’ credibility is toast.”

“I give them six months, tops,” wagered commentator Fith Collum. “Less, if Jezza can migrate to the new group with a core of loyal agitators. Either way, the splitters will be forced to swallow whatever he brings or split again, which will only hurt them politically and waste their time and energy in the process. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this may be the first politically astute move Corbyn has ever made. Not really surprising that it’s in the service of antisemitism.”

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