Hamas Accidentally Vows Genocide Again

Hamas sympathizers, meanwhile, insisted that the movement does not target civilians with its genocidal rhetoric.

Gaza City, March 27 – For the third time this week, the Islamist terrorist group that runs this coastal territory sought to assure the international community that their latest declaration of intent to rid Palestine of all Jews by whatever violent means necessary occurred in error.

“It was the bad weather that made it happen,” a Hamas spokesman stated. “We didn’t mean for it to happen like that.”

“These things are sometimes beyond our control,” he added. “We’re trying to figure out that technical malfunction that brought this about. Maybe the Israelis hacked us as made us do it, even.”

Hamas’s organizational charter calls for cleansing Palestine of Jews, and the movement’s educational, political, diplomatic, and other literature echo the call for genocide against the Jews in myriad ways. The latest trumpeting of that aim, however, did not receive prior approval from Hamas leaders beforehand.

“It might have been one of the smaller militant groups in Gaza, over whom we have almost no control,” suggested the spokesman. “Yeah. That also sounds plausible.”

Analysts disagreed whether the threat to kill millions of Jews between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea indeed emerged by accident. “Despite their public statements, Hamas exercises tight control over all activity in the Gaza Strip,” explained Jenn Ninn. “It’s difficult to believe even the smallest ‘We will slaughter all the Jews and feast on their livers’ remark could happen without Hamas’s knowledge and approval, even tacit. The façade of the weekly demonstrations at the border fence being ‘spontaneous’ collapsed long ago. No one publicly espouses genocide in Gaza without Hamas’s say-so.”

Others remain cautious in their assessment. “There are literally hundreds of radical groups, some numbering only a few dozen people,” argued Bridget Uselya. “There’s no shortage of surplus genocidal antisemitism in Gaza, and Hamas can’t keep tabs on all of it. It’s certainly plausible, even likely, that some other group has its own stockpile of ‘From the River to the Sea Palestine Will Be Free of Jews’ and ‘Khaybar Khaybar ya yahud jaish Muhammad saya’ud’ that it can deploy whenever it feels so inclined. Hamas indeed might not be behind this most recent bout of attempts to pick up where Hitler left off rhetorically. Or otherwise.”

Hamas sympathizers, meanwhile, insisted that the movement does not target civilians with its genocidal rhetoric, but that it simply lacks the technological precision necessary to ensure that its threats to wipe out an entire people only hit the military population of Israel.

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