Authorities Unable To Enforce Government Monopoly On Stupidity

The government remains peerless in the production, management, and delivery of stupidity.

Jerusalem, August 28 – Concern has increased in recent months regarding illegal engagement in blockhead policy-making and decisions, officials acknowledged today, following the publication of a report yesterday indicating that despite regulations limiting the practice of such behavior to ministries and agencies of the State, rising numbers of Israelis conduct themselves without resort to intelligence or wisdom.

Functionaries for the Ministry of Stupidity disclosed to journalists this morning (Wednesday) that efforts to enforce the mandatory government monopoly on stupidity have enjoyed little success, and that ongoing failure to prosecute offenders for violating the monopoly further erodes deterrence.

“Some resources produce greater benefit to the public when only one body is authorized to provide and manage it,” explained a ministry department chief who asked not to be identified out of shame, fearing his family and friends might discover he works for the government instead of getting a productive job. “Electricity, for example, or water – those resources require the use of public space to deliver to citizens, and the government has to limit such activity to help protect visibility, freedom of movement, the environment, and other values. Stupidity, like nuclear power, can pose serious danger to the public, and the government has always sought to act as the only legitimate exerciser of stupidity.”

“But not everyone is smart enough to realize that’s what’s going on,” he continued with a shake of the head. “They think they can demonstrate as much stupidity as they want, but that’s not the case. The government has shown convincingly over the last seven decades that it remains peerless in the production, management, and delivery of stupidity within and beyond Israel’s borders. Unfortunately, the kind of person or organization that would take into account that important factor is probably the kind of person or organization less liable to engage in stupidity in the first place. So here we are.”

The Israel Standards Institute, tasked with, among other duties, defining what products may or may not carry the name “ketchup,” also bears responsibility for setting the stupidity criteria: what acts constitute stupidity, for example, and how much stupidity may occur in a given incident or action without meeting the prohibited stupidity threshold. A Standards Institute representative cautioned a reporter that he might not be permitted to provide full details of the stupidity standards until he clarifies whether adhering to such procedures constitutes stupidity, in which case the institute’s legal department must determine whether the institute constitutes a government agency or merely a contractor hired by the government, which, if true, will put the institute in a bind vis-à-vis regulations that would therefore bar it from engaging the stupidity of having to define what ketchup is.

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