Skeletons In Candidate’s Closet Really Getting Sick Of Smelling Mothballs

“If I could throw up I’d be doing so at least once a day.”

Tel Aviv, September 9 – Several dark secrets of a political hopeful, in the form of human remains concealed behind the cabinet doors in a spare bedroom, thought they would grow accustomed to the odor of the chemical agent protecting some of the cabinet’s contents from consumption by insect larvae, but have instead continued to find it intolerable.

Skeletons hiding in the closet of a Likud Party candidate for the Knesset in the September 17 elections told reporters they cannot bear the smell of 1, 4-dichlorobenzene, the active ingredient in the mothballs the candidate uses to protect old garments in storage. The distinctive odor of the chemical at first worried the skeletons, given its status as a likely carcinogen, but the realization that dead bones remain immune to cancer did little to assuage the group’s annoyance at the stink.

“It’s been years already,” lamented one set of bones hailing from the candidate’s debut period in politics. “None of us even know what’s in the stupid plastic bags where the mothballs sit. We just know the smell is awful. It’s bad enough we’re stuck in here with no way out; we have to spend eternity in this hell? Not OK.”

A second skeleton added details to flesh out the situation. “I’ve only been here a couple of years, so I can’t speak to what it was like before,” it admitted. “Still, the intensity of the stench has remained more or less constant the whole time I’ve been here, which tells me it wasn’t any better initially. You’d think it would decrease in potency after all this time, but yuck. If I could throw up I’d be doing so at least once a day.”

The collection of skeletons agreed the situation has long been intolerable, but confessed no idea how to address it. “We’re kind of at a loss here,” one acknowledged. “We have no muscle tissue, so no way to move ourselves or the mothballs. We also don’t have a clue how long we’re going to stay hidden here. Some investigative journalist could have come a long time ago and brought us out, but nope. All we can do is hope for a slip-up that exposes everything, or at least puts some reporter on the scent of hidden wrongdoing.”

“As bad as it is, it was still better until a few years ago,” another added. “We didn’t used to be as lonely and bored in this closet all the time because until then the candidate was in here with us.”

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