Gaza Rocket Destroyed Living Room But Left Butt-Ugly Curtains Untouched

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” muttered the dazed father. “Really? Really? The fugly curtains? Good grief.”

Sderot, November 13 – A Palestinian Islamic Jihad missile that hit a house in this southern Israeli hamlet obliterated all the furniture and furnishings in the home’s ground-floor salon except the repulsive window treatments, disappointed residents reported Wednesday.

The aftermath of an Israeli strike in the Gaza Strip that killed the equivalent of a brigade commander in a terrorist organization operating there included hundreds of PIJ rockets launched at various southern and western communities and cities in Israel, with Sderot, abutting the border with the territory, absorbing more punishment than other locales. Israel’s Iron Dome short-range missile and long-range mortar defense system intercepted some of the rockets aimed at larger population centers, but some projectiles got through and caused damage. The Dishi family of Sderot returned from the house’s reinforced safe room after such an attack to discover that of their prized possessions on display and in use in the living room, the vomit-inducing curtains that only Shiran the mother likes were the only items to emerge unscathed from a rocket impact.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” muttered a dazed Gad, the father of the family. “Really? Really? The fugly curtains? Good grief.”

“Holy crap,” concurred the couple’s teenage son. “Holy crap,” he repeated, with the addition of profanity. “The solid oak coffee table is splinters now, but those fabric curtains, well, I guess it takes something more robust than high explosives to damage anything that unattractive. Holy crap.”

Not everyone shared their disappointment. “Oh, my mother’s curtains made it!” exclaimed Shiran. “Oh, thank you, God! It’s a miracle! Wait till I tell her!” she added, unaware that her mother had presented the unsightly window treatments to her as a passive-aggressive commentary on her opinion of the marriage to Gad.

Sifting through the rubble and detritus, the other members of the household discovered several dozen broken items they would miss, finding only the goddamn stupid ugly curtains that the couple’s preteen daughter said reminds her of a leprous ostrich puking mucus onto turds. “Oy, this is what’s left of my Shabbat candlestick,” she remarked as she held aloft a cracked, bent object. “That was for my Bat Mitzva. I can’t believe how little is left of what was here. And I simply can’t fathom that the only friggin’ thing that did make it is those… monstrosities. Is there no justice in the world?”

The father and two eldest children gathered in a corner of the property, where witnesses report the group engaged in a discussion of how the situation presented them with a golden opportunity to “accidentally” destroy the curtains as well.

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