Launch Of Direct Train To Tel Aviv Marred By Fact That It Goes To Tel Aviv

Tel Aviv, Israel’s answer to the seedier parts of Queens.

Jerusalem, December 23 – Festivities surrounding the inauguration last night of a non-stop rail line between the country’s capital and its largest city on the coastal plain left a sour taste in many mouths, participants reported, owing to the unpleasant reality that the line terminates in the monstrosity that is Tel Aviv.

Ministry of Transport officials, Israel Railways executives, municipal representatives, and other public figures associated with the multi-billion-shekel commuter rail project attended the celebration Saturday night to mark Israel’s new direct Jerusalem-to-Tel-Aviv train line, expected to move commuters between the two largest cities in the country in less than half an hour. Ribbon-cutting and various speeches accompanied the event, which suffered only from the stark fact that the train would end up in Tel Aviv, of all places.

Speakers and attendees attempted to put a positive spin on the disturbing reality. “This will reduce traffic and pollution,” predicted one. “The free Wi-Fi allows riders to get things accomplished on the way to and from work, or just to relax, and not have to pay attention to the road,” boasted another. None of those present appeared willing to acknowledge the ugly elephant on the platform in the form of the train going to the urban cesspool Tel Aviv.

The new line augments service that to date has connected Jerusalem directly only to Ben-Gurion Airport since the inauguration of the 80-meter-deep Yitzhak Navon Station in 2018. Before that, the only rail link to the capital relied on an Ottoman-era track that took a roundabout route through the southern Judean Hills before emerging onto the Coastal Plain at Beit Shemesh. The underused line proved more of a tourist attraction than a commuting option, since it took twice as long as any direct bus, cost more, and used a far-flung terminal in the southwest of the capital that requires most travelers to make the equivalent of a daily commute just to reach the station, and again on the way back. That inconvenience at least deterred people from going to Tel Aviv, Israel’s answer to the seedier parts of Queens.

Objections to the link between Jerusalem and Israel’s scatological hub have centered on economics rather than that grim basic fact. Government investment in infrastructure has raised concerns that the project will never prove economically sustainable, and only put a small dent in road congestion and pollution. None have sought to question whether or why anyone wants to go to Tel Aviv in the first place.

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