Better Pack Up The Missiles, Boys – There Was a Rally In Brooklyn

by Yahya Sinwar, Hamas Chief

Gaza City, January 7 – Thank you, gentlemen, for attending this meeting on such short notice. I know we – you – have important projects and initiatives to oversee, not to mention families who require your already-limited time. But the news out of New York yesterday is not good, not good at all. We may have to close up the entire Resistance as a result: a few thousand people rallied across a bridge, chanting slogans in favor of Jewish safety. It may be time to admit defeat against Israel and pack up the missiles.

I know what you’re thinking: that we’ve overcome overwhelming odds before; that our very ethos is spitting in the face of doing the ‘responsible’ thing; that it would be a betrayal of our sacred heritage and mission. But brother mujaheddin, twenty thousand people rallied against hate in Brooklyn two days ago. Do you even grasp the magnitude of that? That’s more Israelis than we’ve ever managed to kill. We have to face reality. I mean, Matisyahu warmed up the crowd. Matisyahu. Can our rockets even compete?

I hear your objections, Khaled and Muhammad. Please, one at a time. I fully appreciate the unfamiliar territory that admission of failure represents. But get it into your heads. They held a rally. We have no real answer for that. We are doomed.

You see now that the various initiatives and projects from which I summoned you might as well never see completion. Now that a bunch of Jews and Jew-lovers marched across the Brooklyn Bridge and tagged themselves with #NoHateNoFear, our vast arsenal of Iran-supplied weaponry has been rendered irrelevant.

For those who remain unconvinced, I give you two words: Bari. Weiss.

Yes! Bari Weiss addressed the crowd, and even gave an interview as she walked! Do you not comprehend the seriousness of the situation? We have no counter to that. Not even the hundreds of thousands at Qassem Soleimani’s funeral can outweigh it – and not merely because so many of the funeral attendees only came at gunpoint. At this point we’re just going to have to inform Ayatollah Khamenei he might as well close up the whole support-the-Palestinian-resistance thing. It’s not my or our place to determine this, but I also think this will force him to reconsider Iran’s entire regional strategy of supporting genocidal insurgents or militias. It remains unclear they will ever recover from the Brooklyn rally.

Just like all those hunger-striking hippies brought an immediate end to American involvement in the Vietnam War back in 1968. Remember?

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