Korah Goes With Plan B; Failed To Find Problematic Old Tweets By Moses

Some of the conspirators relish the prospect of direct confrontation.

K’helata, Wilderness of Sinai, January 15 – The leaders of an incipient rebellion against the established Israelite leadership have decided on a more frontal approach than they had previously considered, witnesses reported Tuesday, following an abortive attempt to find embarrassing or politically incorrect social media posts by said leadership that the group could exploit.

Aides to Korah, son of Yitzhar, of the tribe of Levi; Datan ben Eliav, Aviram ben Eliav, and Ohn ben Pelet, of Reuben, disclosed the strategy shift after a morning debriefing indicated neither Moses nor Aaron has made any problematic tweets, even years before they gained prominence, that might undermine their political standing and create an opening for the cabal to assert itself.

“That’s too bad,” lamented Korah. “I was hoping we’d have something already there to work with. This means we have to fall back on Plan B, which requires a good bit more legwork and political schmoozing. We need a critical mass of dissatisfied people, probably at least two-hundred-fifty.”

“Yeah, it’s a disappointment,” agreed Ohn. “I don’t see recruitment as an insurmountable challenge, though. Just from our tribe – Reuben, I mean – we can probably muster a good number. We were Jacob’s firstborn, after all, but that never panned out, and the resentment has never really gone away. The Levites became the priestly elite – nothing against you personally, Korah – and Joseph’s two tribes of Ephraim and Menashe have always broadcast that intolerable sense of knowing they’re descended of the one Jacob favored. Then Judah comes along and shows the knack for political leadership, leaving us with nothing. We can probably count on Simeon, too, who also feels passed over, I’m sure. We can still do this.”

Some of the conspirators relish the prospect of direct confrontation. “My brother and I have maintained from the start we should be straightforward about this,” noted Datan. “Problematic old tweets would help, sure, but we can’t be hiding behind that. We need to be out there, railing against Moses and Aaron, stoking dissatisfaction, not just lamely pointing out something they said years ago isn’t woke enough. We can troll with the best of them. Let us do what we do best.”

“This will work best as a vendetta against Moses,” seconded Aviram. “And against Aaron, too – better to have the nepotism card in play. Oh, man, this is going to be better than the fight in Egypt that led to Moses having to run away.”

“Classic,” concurred his brother.

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