YHWH Refuses To Stop Existing Even After Scholar Proves Semantic Incoherence Of ‘God’

“Trust us academics – we’re smarter than you so you have to believe us. Have a little faith, in other words.”

Cambridge, February 13 – In what numerous observer are calling a display of divine stubbornness and arrogance, the Creator and ruler of the universe and of reality itself continues to defy calls for His disappearance despite the emergence of academic evidence to the effect that the human notion of an infinite God contradicts itself and cannot adduce support from reason.

Theologians renewed their demand for the cessation of the Almighty’s existence today following the publication of a paper contending that God as described in human language cannot exist. They have made the demand at least four hundred times in the last two hundred years, with the deity declining to comply even once.

“The whole idea of an infinite being, not confined by human conceptions of space or time, is absurd – that’s the basis of the argument,” explained Professor of Philosophy Ivan Tebilda-Stroehmann of Oxford University. “Defining terms such as ‘human,’ ‘space,’ ‘time,’ and ‘inifinite’ requires much more than anything I can convey in a paragraph or two, of course, not to mention ‘oneness’ and ‘other.’ But trust us academics – we’re smarter than you so you have to believe us. Have a little faith, in other words.”

“If this ‘God’ claims to be just, He should allow us to do unto Him as He has done unto us,” continued Tebilda-Stroehmann. “If we are to accept that He created us in His image, whatever that means, then turnabout is fair play: we should be able to create God ourselves. The thing is, we suffer the constraints of being human, so anything we create will perforce not be the actual God. Therefore, since we cannot create the real God, we have not done so, and that God does not exist, certainly not yet.”

“But that’s just the thing – we have no confirmation that this ‘God’ has cooperated with our findings,” added Navalle Belibbo of Heidelberg University. “His influence continues to permeate our world and to inspire people. I used to think disproving the literal truth of Scripture would be sufficient to bring the whole edifice down, but He’s a stubborn One. It turns out non-literal understandings of Scripture actually precede attempts to challenge its factual status by many centuries. Like He saw the whole thing coming a thousand years away, and created a whole realm of metaphor so as not to be confined by the literal, the precise, and the finite. We’re going to have to be a lot cleverer than we have been if we’re going to make God disappear in a puff of logic.”

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