Israeli Theorists Posit Cheeses Other Than “Yellow,” “White”

Rechovot, Israel, February 3 – Scientists at the Weizmann Institute of Science have promulgated a theory that is sending ripples through the Israeli dairy industry: that it is possible to manufacture a spreadable cheese that is not “White Cheese,” and hard cheese that is not “Yellow Cheese.”

In an article in the industry journal Austerity, chemistry professors Mitz Petel and Cemecao Beygele describe a process by which Israeli dairies might produce hard cheese with actual flavor, as well as a method for preparing soft cheese that is not some pathetic knockoff variety of European Quark.

“We acknowledge the revolutionary nature of this proposition,” they write, “but Israel is a country with immigrants from countless societies, whose culinary traditions should find expression in the palette of available dairy products.” As support for the idea that the culinary sensibilities of Israelis are evolving into greater complexity, Petel and Beygele point to the varieties of white cheese that are currently widely available: 3%, 5%, and 9%, with occasional supplies of 0% and 1% making it to grocery store shelves. Similarly, they note that several kinds of somewhat distinguishable yellow cheese are on the market, notably Emek and Gilboa, the first of which could conceivably be construed as a type of Gouda, if one is feeling generous. In either case, however, the names are merely taken from local geological features or regions of the country, and not indicative of anything regarding the cheese itself.

Already the researchers have met resistance from the food industry. “Next they’ll propose we start putting something on pretzels other than sesame seeds,” said Rosh Katan, a spokesman for the dairy, meat,  and produce conglomerate Tnuva, “or making gefilte fish without chunks of bone in it.”

Part of the problem, according to Petel, is that Israeli food nomenclature is at odds with that of other countries. “Our terms for such things as cheeses and breakfast cereal are meaningless to people from other cultures, and we don’t even realize it. Take cereals. We call them ‘corn flakes’ even if there’s not a drop of corn in it. You can imagine, then, the perplexity that confronts a cheese manufacturer upon being asked to produce a variety of cheese that he thinks he already produces, but actually he hasn’t a clue what cheddar, or Gouda, or Emmental is,” he said.

“Imagine pizza made with ‘yellow cheese’ instead of mozzarella,” explained Beygele. “That feeling of nausea you have coming on is what we’re trying to prevent.”

This is not the first time Israeli scientists have butted heads with the local culture over what is possible. An academic committee at Haifa’s Technion institute published a paper in 2003 documenting the phenomenon in European and North American countries of people waiting in single-file lines to board buses and trains. An uproar ensued, with several prominent cultural figures accusing the researcher of attempting to undermine the traditional character of the state.

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