Imperial authorities cast the trio in to the furnace after the three defied a royal edict demanding that all subjects bow to the statue of an idol.
Valley of Dura, May 19 – Three Jews cast into a fiery oven for refusing to bow to an idol set up by the Babylonian emperor have decided they wish to remain inside the hellish container after learning of the record-high temperatures meteorologists have predicted for the rest of the week, a spokesman announced today.
Hanania, Mishael, and Azaria – also known by their colloquial names Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego – indicated Tuesday that given the weather forecast in the region for the next several days, they will stay inside Nebuchadnezzar’s furnace, thank you very much, and asked others to let them know if, as predicted, more reasonable temperatures prevail by the weekend, at which point they will revisit their decision.
“Forecasts are calling for this heat wave to continue at least through Friday,” explained the spokesman. “It’s been unusually hot, even for this time of year, for nearly a week already. Hanania, Mishael, and Azaria, understandably, instructed me to inform anyone interested that until that picture changes, they would just as soon not emerge from the furnace yet, but they do appreciate everyone’s concern for their comfort and welfare.”
Imperial authorities cast the trio in to the furnace after the three defied a royal edict demanding that all subjects bow to the statue of an idol in this valley, as a demonstration of loyalty to the emperor and his supremacy. Their principled stance resulted in Nebuchadnezzar sentencing them to burn in a furnace. Witnesses reported that the emperor instructed his executioners to add fuel and stoke the furnace to such an extent that several men attending the device succumbed to its flames from outside. The three Jews, however, entered the furnace and remained unscathed. Imperial officials reacted to the miraculous occurrence with understandable awe, hesitating to disturb the trio with further demands to vacate the furnace. For their part, Hanania, Mishael, and Azaria have signaled they feel quite comfortable at the moment, and would rather not ruin that by walking out into the veritable inferno plaguing the area.
“We’re good, thanks,” the trio were quoted as stating. “No need to strain yourselves to get us out of here in a rush. We’d just as soon stay here and can you pass in some tacos or pizza while we’re here? If it’s not too much trouble. We understand there’s an issue right now with social distancing, so we’ll just order some home delivery if that’s ok with you, and not venture out into that hellscape.”
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