European Scientists Find Palestinian Gene For Blamelessness

Stockholm, February 13 – Geneticists at the Royal Swedish Academy say they have isolated the segment of DNA that accounts for automatic blamelessness among Palestinians, the European Journal of Medicine reported today.

European researchers say that the gene known as TMIM-4, which codes for lack of culpability, is present in multiple copies in the Palestinian genome. This differs from most genomes in Europe and North America, where individuals carry zero or few copies of the gene, which has been correlated with darkness of skin tone and hair.

The study sampled the DNA of Palestinians in the West Bank, Gaza Strip, and refugee camps in Jordan and Lebanon, and compared them to the genomes of volunteers from France, Scandinavia, Britain, Hungary, and the Netherlands. Aside from the obvious external features such as hair and eye color, the researchers noticed that they were unable to get blame-RNA to bind to the Palestinian DNA at all, indicating that Palestinians are biochemically incapable of blameworthiness.

“This explains so much,” said head researcher Postka Lonja-Liszt, Professor of Genetics at The University of Budapest, who was not involved in the study. “They have isolated the genetic basis for European policies vis-à-vis the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.”

According to the scientists, the gene codes for proteins that block blame while stimulating feelings of guilt and insecurity in those who lack it. In this fashion, when Westerners encounter the Israeli-Palestinian dynamic, they are physiologically predisposed to cast blame on Israel and disregard, or even commend, Palestinian misdeeds, in an effort to allay their own insecurity. The chemical pathways are reinforced over time, and slight offenses by Israel are magnified in importance, while the European becomes tolerant of greater and greater Palestinian atrocities and refuses to assign blame if not to Israel. 

Occasionally, anomalies in the biochemistry complicate the reactions, with blame being directed not initially at Israel, but at America. Equilibrium is restored when blame is reestablished by the determination that Jews control the American government, and therefore Israel is guilty.

The study did not sample Israeli DNA, the article said, because it was safe to assume that all Jews lacked the gene.