God Admits To Running “The Mossad” Twitter Account

The Creator of humanity knows a thing or two about human foibles and how hilariously, tragically funny they can be. Kind of like the ‘mishap’ scheduled to hit one of Iran’s sensitive military facilities next week.

Tel Aviv, January 11 – Heavenly sources disclosed today that the Almighty Himself has served as the main figure behind the popular social media presence billing itself as “The Mossad’s elite parody division,” posting mostly mockery of Israel’s enemies, stereotypes of Israel’s legendary prowess in international intrigue, and sardonic commentary on politics in the Jewish State and elsewhere.

God, through a spokesangel, announced Monday that the time had come to reveal that the Mossad parody account operators sit not in the Tel Aviv area, where the actual organization headquarters lie, nor from the mobile devices of an expatriate of an English-speaking country, but from the very Heavenly Court, where the Lord takes an active interest in every post the account tweets or posts on other social media.

“It’s been a blast, so to speak,” disclosed Archangel Michael. “There are several accounts that pretend to give the divine perspective, and certainly no shortage of those that believe they are not pretending. But God has actually been running the The Mossad account since late 2016, even recouping some of the operating costs by selling humorous merchandise. Including a single shoe stolen from London a few years ago.”

“You might think an infinite, omniscient being would face difficulty relating humorously to creatures such as humans,” acknowledged Michael, “but then you might be an idiot. We’re talking about the Creator of humanity, who knows a thing or two about human foibles and how hilariously, tragically funny they can be. Kind of like the ‘mishap’ scheduled to hit one of Iran’s sensitive military facilities next week. Oops, did I say that out loud?”

The @TheMossaIL handle interlaces over-the-top treatment of cliché elements of Mossad lore, such as thorough penetration of enemy military, government, and other institutions, with ludicrous face-value acceptance of certain impossible operations such as the training and maintenance of spy and sabotage sharks, dolphins, and other wildlife, stories of which appear with some frequency in the mainstream and social media of societies unable to distinguish fact from the fevered fantasies of a mind hell-bent on seeing Jews and the Jewish nation-state as the root of all evil.

The archangel declined to specify the rationale for the timing of the disclosure that God operates the account. “I could tell you, but then the Mossad’s crack team of migratory storks would have to kill you,” joked Michael, or at least left it ambiguous that perhaps the statement contained a jest. Reporters declined to pursue further inquiry along those lines.

Please support our work through Patreon.