UNICEF Diagnosed With Peculiar Form Of ADHD; ‘Only When Palestinian Child-Soldiers Mentioned’

But can any UN body survive without Israel-bashing and Palestinian-infantilizing as its center of gravity?

New York, February 16 – Medical professionals have concluded that a leading international children’s welfare organization suffers from an unique kind of attention-deficit that manifests upon the invocation of Palestinian abuse of minors in the ongoing national conflict with Israel, a spokeswoman for the organization disclosed today.

According to the representative, UNICEF, the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund, suffers from Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder that remains dormant except in the presence of information linking the Palestinian leadership with practices that train children to take up weapons, to glorify violence against Jews, and to dehumanize political opponents.

Speaking to reporters at UNICEF headquarters in New York this morning, spokeswoman Rita Lynn informed journalists that a lengthy series of examinations and diagnostic tests had determined the organization needs treatment to address its peculiar form of ADHD-Inattentive, which seems not to appear when UNICEF addresses non-Palestinian violations of children’s welfare.

“One of the pet causes of this organization has long been the plight of child soldiers,” acknowledged Lynn. “But for some reason, year after year, little or none of the many Palestinian crimes against their own children – we’re not talking here about Israeli child casualties of Palestinian ‘legitimate resistance’ – makes it into our reports to donors, to the UN itself, or into policy recommendations. It’s good to have a coherent medical diagnosis to help explain the phenomenon. Now we can look at considering proper treatment, and what the options are in that respect.”

“Obviously a diagnosis doesn’t solve the issue,” Ms. Lynn added in response to a reporter’s question. “But it does help point us in helpful directions. It might have bothered some people that UNICEF suddenly went blind and deaf when anyone brought up Palestinian children raised to hate Jews and seek violent martyrdom as a high aspiration, so at least now we have an explanation, if not a solution – which, as we all realize, might not even be desirable. What are the costs of treatment? Can any UN body survive without Israel-bashing and Palestinian-infantilizing as its center of gravity? These are among the important unresolved questions.”

Lynn also noted that the diagnosis helps explain another peculiarity of UNICEF’s behavior. “ADHD isn’t precisely an inability to focus, though it often manifests that way,” she explained. “It’s hard, sometimes impossible, for the subject to focus on things they’re not predisposed to find interesting, but it’s also extremely difficult to draw their attention away from the things on which they have already focused. This closely matches what we know of this organization in terms of Israel, as UNICEF devours and uses every allegation of Israeli abuse, or mere detention, of Palestinian minors, totally absent context such as ‘this teenager was shot while trying to stab someone.’ ADHD as an explanation is helpful for framing the situation.”

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