Prophet Samuel Thinking Maybe This Not Best Time To Suggest He Anoint Bibi

The dilemma facing Samuel carries extra valence in light of the political paralysis plaguing Israel.

Ramah, April 19 – The seer most closely associated with the establishment of monarchy in Israel voiced his realization today that the current milieu might not, on repeated consideration, be ideal for declaring the country’s longtime de facto leader the actual ruler, you know, given the politically fraught implications of same.

Samuel the Prophet, who anointed both Saul and the subsequent Davidic line that retained the throne for four centuries until the destruction of the First Commonwealth in 586 BCE, disclosed to confidants Monday that he has come to think, maybe, that the approach he took in anointing kings might not go over well in the current societal and political environment, and that further contemplation of possibilities might be in order before giving divine sanction to the rule of incumbent Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, who has run Israel by default for the last dozen years.

“Things worked out OK when I anointed David,” recalled Samuel. “Obviously Saul was a disappointment, and it was painful to me, personally, when that didn’t work out, with the whole not-wiping-out-Amalek-and-all-of-Amalek’s-possessions-despite-explicit-divine-instruction thing. But I should have known it wasn’t destined to succeed. The guy’s name literally means ‘asked for’ or ‘borrowed,’ exactly reflecting the way the people asked for him. He wasn’t an organic outgrowth of their development; he never felt secure in himself or his position, and they weren’t ready for a real king. I didn’t make that mistake the second time around.”

“The way it turned out,” continued the seer, “David eventually rose to the national throne because through the years that he served in Saul’s military, all the other tribes later realized he’d been a true leader for them the whole time, and offered him the crown.”

“The thing is,” he concluded, “while Netanyahu has prevailed in election after election and retained his position since 2009 – exercising considerable political acumen, I must acknowledge despite his, shall we say, less-than-the-stellar character a prophet of God expects from Jewish kings –  that’s not quite the same. The problem is lack of alternatives.”

The dilemma facing Samuel carries extra valence in light of the political paralysis plaguing Israel; four elections in two years, with the fifth a distinct possibility in a few months, have failed to produce a convincing or stable coalition that can govern more than a few months before collapsing. The prophet conceded that he has been tempted to anoint a king again simply to drag Israel out of its political morass and give it a government that can in fact govern instead of squabble endlessly, but has held off on that measure because it appears just as likely to result in the political morass dragging the king down into it and complicating matters even more.

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