Hamas Giggling Over What Next Ridiculous Pretext For Violence The World Will Take At Face Value

Allies and enablers will reflexively blame Israel for whatever happens as a result.

Gaza City, June 6 – Leaders of the Palestinian Islamic Resistance Movement that governs the Gaza Strip have spent the last several weeks since the latest conflict with Israel wondering how far the organization can go in pulling excuses for missile attacks on Israeli communities our of their backsides and still having the international media, governments, and “human rights” NGOs treat those excuses as legitimate reasons to launch rockets indiscriminately at civilian areas, sources within the movement disclosed today.

Associates of Hamas’s upper political echelons revealed to PreOccupied Territory on Sunday that the group devotes at least an hour in total each day over the last two weeks to laughing at increasingly-absurd-sounding pretexts for another round of violence, and at the realization that no matter how absurd, their allies and enablers will take those pretexts at face value and blame Israel for whatever happens as a result.

“A Jew looked at a Muslim funny near Al Aqsa,” suggested one leader, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“No, no, a Jew defiled Al-Aqsa by breathing air near it,” chortled another.

“No, no, I got one – Israel repairing traffic signals that Arab rioters destroyed a couple of weeks ago, and that’s an insult to the memory of the martyrs of Palestine!” bellowed a third. The trio collapsed in a fit of sniggering.

“It doesn’t matter – the media will parrot it as if it makes sense!” they wheezed through spasms of snort-filled, knee-slapping tittering.

In a WhatsApp group that includes several senior Hamas figures, suggestions making the rounds included Israeli construction or excavation projects three hilltops over from Al-Aqsa that threaten to undermine the structures on the holy compound; Israeli flags being displayed within a ten-kilometer radius of Al-Aqsa; Israeli vehicles polluting the air that Al-Aqsa worshipers breathe; ‘Zionist rats’ in the sewers; a neighbor of a cousin of a distant ancestor to whom a Jew failed to show proper reverence; earthquakes; bad breath; the endless procession of Fast and Furious sequels; bed-wetting; premature ejaculation; bland memes; and a butterfly flapping its wings in a way that adds just enough energy to an emerging weather system to transform it into a storm that dumped more rain on Gaza than the ill-maintained drainage infrastructure can handle, and which Hamas and its media/NGO collaborators reflexively blame on Israel opening dams that don’t exist.

Media organizations adopted a wait-and-see attitude upon learning of the rhetoric. “We’ll wait and see, and then report it at face value,” confirmed the Associated Press.

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