Satan Extra-Pleased With Fundamentalists Who Believe They’re Doing Good

He counts it as one of his supreme achievements.

Brooklyn, October 20 – Infernal sources disclosed today that the Prince of Darkness has admitted to feeling more chuffed than he had expected at the launch of his Evil Initiative thousands of years ago, with specific satisfaction accruing from the phenomenon of people pursuing what they consider pure, righteous agendas, when in fact the very subordination of human individuality and diversity to any ideology represents the single greatest source of wicked behavior and attitudes.

A spokesdemon for Satan told reporters today (Wednesday) that the embodiment of the evil inclination voiced his gratification again recently at the recurring, intensifying tendency humans have to sanctify their own prejudices to the point of constructing entire systems of belief to rationalize what, at the root, constitutes selfish justification for perpetrating injustice in all its forms, including mass murder, oppression, and other atrocities.

“His Wickedness expresses his extreme pleasure at extremists,” acknowledged Beelzebub. “The sublimation of self-interest into a sacred duty to destroy those who challenge the truth of one’s tenets, he counts as one of his supreme achievements.”

“Temptation to commit outright evil seldom works, at least at the beginning of the seduction process,” explained the demon. “To work, the evil must take the guise not merely of something less evil, or even of neutral moral value; the most effective stratagem has long been to present evil as good. Take the paradigmatic case of the fruit in the Garden of Eden: it only proved tempting when it appeared not just aesthetically, but morally appealing. It was wrong of God to limit humanity to every single tree but the one that would impart knowledge of Good and Evil, you see. How dare He! He must have been unwilling to share that precious experience, out of petty jealousy – or, worse yet, mistrust of His creations, who couldn’t be relied upon to master their inclinations. How infantilizing! It now became a moral obligation to defy that narrow-minded God, to subvert his will. You see how it works.”

Beelzebub cited historical and current examples of the phenomenon: jihadist warfare; the Spanish Inquisition; atrocities in the name of various political, ideological, or religious causes, such as during the Crusades; Communist disregard for the humanity or dignity of anyone standing in the way of Progress, even through no fault of their own; cannibalization of war captives; the subjugation of women and slaves as mere chattel, especially those from outside the by-definition righteous “home” culture.

“It boils down to the fact that blind adherence to ideology eventually dehumanizes others in the eyes of the ideologue,” he noted. “The system takes precedence over the person. It applies first to those outside the ‘in’ group, but eventually affects everyone who, in the eye of the potentate, stands between the current and the ideal. It’s one of the most powerful tools our Infernal Master has at his disposal.”

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