Student Insists Extreme Weather Shot Spitball At Teacher

“I hear that’s been happening a lot lately. Climate change or something. I don’t claim to be an expert.”

Ra’anana, January 11 – Taking his cue from apologists for Palestinian terrorists, a junior in the local high school has taken to blaming atmospheric conditions for various pranks affecting the teachers in his classroom, despite the extreme low likelihood of such phenomena occurring as a result of the asserted cause.

Zohar Sar-Shalom, 16, has adopted the practice in the last week and a half of blaming his and other troublemakers’ antics on “freak weather conditions” and similarly farfetched factors such as spitballs, whoopie cushions, foul-smelling objects hidden somewhere in the room, subtle noise-producing disruptions, and other practical jokes targeting the faculty of his secondary education institution in this suburb north of Tel Aviv. The self-proclaimed class clown admitted his rhetorical debt to pundits and “pro-Palestine” activists who have insisted that rockets launched from the Gaza Strip into Israel communities did so not through human initiative but because of unusual weather that triggered the launch mechanism, an explanation that experts note defies the mechanics of the systems involved but serves Sar-Shalom in his parallel endeavors to avoid adverse consequences for the projectiles he launches.

“Must be the extreme dryness of the winter air, I dunno,” offered the teen when a skeptical physics instructor challenged him on the provenance of a wadded-up, marble-sized piece of paper that struck the whiteboard just below the spot where he had written several important formulae. “I hear that’s been happening a lot lately. Climate change or something. I don’t claim to be an expert.”

Yesterday, another exchange took place between Sar-Shalom and a history teacher, on the topic of a recurrent sound of flatulence emanating from somewhere in the classroom. “It could just, well, wind,” suggested Sar-Shalom. “We’ve been getting a lot of that over the last few weeks. I’ve been ignoring it, and maybe everyone should.” None of the teachers have seen fit to discipline the student for alleged disruptions, absent direct evidence of his involvement, though several have threatened collective punishment for refusal to out the culprits of the various antics.

“There’s been a spate of prank-like incidents lately,” acknowledged Principal Asher Moody. “I attribute it to a host of environmental factors, especially in the shadow of COVID and the renewed social interactions that the current school year has allowed to some degree. Certainly we could blame individual students and take punitive measures, but that would play into the hands of those who claim the administration is out to get the poor students or something.”

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