Scruffy-Looking Nerf-Herder Persuaded To Join Haganah

The Haganah operation he helped support seemed “more like suicide,” Solo had told one of his erstwhile comrades.

Tel Aviv, May 4 – A rogue pilot with a checkered history of questionably-legal activities has decided to throw his lot in with the forces defending the nascent Jewish State from numerically-superior enemies surrounding them, local sources reported today, following a series of episodes in which his encounters with the pluck, determination, and idealism of those forces transformed him from a mercenary cynic into a supporter of their aims.

Han Solo, 31, returned from a brief trip abroad Wednesday in the nick of time to avert disaster among the Haganah, when he swooped in with his craft to destroy or scatter enemy pilots bent on preventing the Jewish militia from destroying a key enemy facility that posed a massive threat to the fledgling Israel’s continued defensibility.

“Great shot, kid!” yelled Solo at the pilot who took the key shot.

Following the battle, Haganah brass awarded Solo, his copilot Chewbacca, and the Haganah pilot medals for their heroism. Solo, who had taken payment from the Jewish Agency for courier services he had performed, acknowledged that he regretted his initial move to part ways with the Haganah after several hours of fighting together, during which he, Chewbacca, and a small group of Jews sneaked into a terrorist base, freed an important hostage, and made a dramatic getaway.

The Haganah operation he helped support seemed “more like suicide,” Solo had told one of his erstwhile comrades. But his timely arrival thwarted a terrorist move to eliminate the Haganah unit.

Haganah pilots encountered much more resistance than anticipated on the mission. Post-action briefings indicated that a tracking device installed on Solo’s craft during its brief sojourn in the terrorists’ impound had allowed the terrorists to follow the escapees to Haganah headquarters and attempt to destroy it. Jewish casualties numbered in the dozens; hundreds of Iran-backed Palestinian terrorists and an unknown number of non-Palestinian allied militants met their ends in the operation with the destruction of the terrorist forces, with the exception of an Islamist bigwig who managed to regain control of his craft and flee to an unspecified location under Palestinian control.

Analysts expect Solo to deepen his involvement with the Haganah, which has offered him commission as a captain and placed him in control of protecting to key senior Haganah personnel. “He’s in too deep to get out now, though he faces immense financial and criminal pressure,” explained Lando Calrissian. “We’ll see what happens when the IRGC gets its slimy tentacles on his trail.”

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