Iran Threat: Gov’t Urges Israelis In Turkey To Conceal Nationality By Not Being Rude

“Familiarize yourselves with the concept of a ‘queue,’ a neat line of people who wait their turns for something instead of pushing to the front.”

Istanbul, June 28 – Anti-terrorism and defense officials in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv told citizens abroad today to leave various other countries in the region because Tehran has already sought to attack Israelis nearby, or, if departure proves difficult, to throw the enemy off the trail by being polite and thus not identifiably Israeli.

The Ministries of Defense and Public Security issued an announcement this week to recommend all Israeli citizens in Turkey and various Persian Gulf states return to Israel to avoid teams of Iranian operatives with a mission to attack people from the Jewish State. Earlier this month, Israeli agents prevented a group of Israeli tourists in Istanbul from returning to their hotel where Iranians waited to kidnap or kill them. The announcement acknowledged that not everyone has the capacity to cut short their stays or otherwise alter their travel plans, and as a backup course of action advised Israelis to lower their profiles as targets: avoid loud, offensive, ignorant, presumptuous, messy, or inconsiderate – in other words, typically Israeli – behavior.

“The threat of violence against Israeli citizens by Iranian operatives has increased in recent weeks,” warned the statements. “As such, we urge all Israelis in Turkey, the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Oman, and throughout the region to take immediate steps to leave those countries. Please contact our consular officials if you need assistance in making those arrangements. Those who cannot leave right away must take steps to conceal their Israeli identities, with specific measures including: not arguing at high volume in public places; not assuming that anything lying around in a hotel room is free for the taking; not assuming you are entitled to preferential treatment simply because you asserted that you are; and familiarizing yourselves with the concept of a ‘queue,’ a neat line of people who wait their turns for something instead of pushing to the front, among other steps.”

“Other nationality-concealment measures include refraining from incessant chatter about duty-free purchases,” the statement continued, “as well as from asking outright how much someone else’s adult child earns per month, how much they pay in rent, or for whom they voted. Please also note that the proper, non-Israeli pronunciation of various terms is as follows: in English, ‘Nike’ does not rhyme with ‘Mike’ but with ‘Crikey;’ ‘Seiko’ is not a homophone for ‘psycho;’ and the cooked cereal that you think is called ‘Kvaaker,’ as if it’s some Dutch or Afrikaans word, is just a corruption of ‘Quaker,’ the most familiar supplier of what’s called ‘oatmeal.'”

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