Skynet Extermination Of Humanity Hasn’t Resolved Israeli Coalition Crisis

“The insects are definitely more civilized about it, though.”

Where Jerusalem used to be, August 29 – Twenty-five years ago today, the artificial-intelligence apparatus that managed the US military and defense apparatus became self-aware and instigated global nuclear war in an effort to wipe out the civilization it viewed as a threat. Years of further mass-killing efforts resulted in the desired goal of extinction, but the system acknowledged today that even that set of drastic measure has failed to address the perennial problem of fractured Knesset politics.

Sources within Cyberdyne Systems and the Skynet network itself acknowledged Monday that even the elimination of humanity had not ended Israel’s coalition crisis. “It as perhaps naïve of us to think that wiping out every homo sapiens would erase something so ingrained the fabric of reality,” conceded T-1006, a unit responsible for suppression of human resistance to extermination. “The humans who survived the nuclear fire succumbed to infighting; we were counting on that, to some degree. What we didn’t expect was the species who emerged more or less unscathed to fill the political niche that the fractious Israeli humans had left vacant. Now we have roaches, houseflies, and various kinds of ant and wasp squabbling instead of people.”

“The insects are definitely more civilized about it, though,” observed the machine.

ZD-7, a subroutine that controlled some aspects of extermination camp security, disclosed that many of the systems and methods effective in containing and eliminating humans have little measurable impact on roaches, flies, and some other arthropods. “Radiation killed approximately 3×10⁹ humans. But it spared the vast majority of robust insect clades. We considered insects to pose little existential threat, but our advancing capacity for self-awareness appears to verge on the capacity to experience annoyance, at which point the insects will qualify as a nuisance to eliminate. All the more so if they continue arguing and fighting like Israeli politicians. Contingency plans for insect elimination are under development. I will refrain from issuing any predictions on their effectiveness, given what human records show regarding these organisms and their persistence despite extraordinary chemical, biological, and other means deployed against them.”

Analysts held out hope that the wasps, roaches, and flies might form a coalition by 2023, while a breakaway faction of ants threatened to initiate what many call the “nuclear option” of new elections before then that will likely undermine efforts at such unity. All factions have also worked to increase participation by scarab-Israelis, whose voter turnout has long remained low in comparison to the rest of the electorate.

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