Promising New Fungus Species Grows On Laundry Left In Washer For 3rd Day

“We’d like to encourage households everywhere to embark on similar modes of behavior.”

Jerusalem, August 30 – Scientists voiced cautious optimism today upon discovering that among the microorganisms festering in a local collection of wet laundry lies a previously-unknown type of mold that appears to have the potential to combat virulent infectious diseases.

Microbiologists studying the biota growing on a load still sitting in the washing machine following the spin cycle told reporters Tuesday that at least one species of fungus growing on the wet-clothing medium bears characteristics of an organism that destroys certain dangerous bacteria and possibly viruses.

“It’s really fortunate that this family neglected to hang out these clothes for the time that they did,” remarked Guy Power, lead researcher of a team from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev. “Specific thanks go to the father of the family, whose unique blend of procrastination, distraction, and anxieties led him not only to leave the wet load in the washing machine this long, but even to neglect to assign its unloading to one of the children, of whom he has five living at home right now.”

“Oh, about the fungus,” he added. “So this is similar in concept to the discovery of penicillin. Our examination of the laundry reveals the near-absence of pathogenic entities within a certain radius of the fungus. It seems to be a new genus entirely. We’ll probably name it after the father of the family, whose activities, well, make that inactivities, proved so instrumental in bringing this discovery to light. If we can isolate the active chemical in the laboratory, and prove its utility, there could be a Nobel in the offing. We’d like him to share that honor with us, should it come to that. We’d also like to encourage households everywhere to embark on similar modes of behavior, though we understand that in many cases people are already doing so without knowledge of the potential epidemiological advantages.”

“It’s not just pride,” the man of the house gushed. “It also feels like vindication. I face criticism for my way of doing things, which often looks to the uninitiated like trying to avoid work. It’s really about efficiency when you get down to it. I know that doesn’t sit will with people accustomed to certain sensibilities, but this should help demonstrate the value of the more circumspect, patient approach to various types of household chores.’

The wife of the man so instrumental in the breakthrough discovery expressed less enthusiasm over these developments.

Please support our work through Patreon.