Angel Interrupts Binding Of Isaac To Ask Abraham About Donkey’s Extended Warranty

The “extended warranty” message constituted yet another element of everything set to be undermined if he followed through.

Mt. Moriah, September 20 – The prophesied progenitor of many nations voiced some vexation today upon completing what many consider his final and most demanding trial, recalling a moment during the emotional and psychological ordeal when a voice from Heaven addressed the centenarian in the midst of his steps aimed at sacrificing his beloved son, not to communicate information or feedback, but to inquire as to the status of the service contract on his pack animal.

“Good morning. I’ve been trying to reach you about your jackass’s extended warranty,” came the message, just as Abraham reached for the sacrificial blade he had designated.

Seconds later, a bewildered Abraham heard another message from Above, this time urging him not to follow through with the killing that God had originally commanded. By this time the knife already lay against Isaac’s neck. The slightest insistence by Abraham on completing his assigned task would have meant the latter’s demise. Abraham acknowledged that the donkey-warranty message primed him to ignore any further messages from angels, which, he had concluded in that moment, only constituted obstacles to overcome in pursuit of fulfilling his divine mission.

Three days ago, Abraham received a prophecy commanding him to travel to this area and offer Isaac as a burnt sacrifice on one of the mountaintops. The divine retraction of the command this morning, as Abraham stood an instant away from completing it, demonstrated Abraham’s capacity to obey even when God’s command appears to contradict every promise and value that led to that point. Seen in that light, the patriarch realized, the “extended warranty” message constituted yet another element of everything set to be undermined if he followed through.

“It seemed to be emphasizing the intensity of the trial,” he recalled. “In fact nothing is guaranteed, and that’s part of the human condition. My trust in the Eternal One has been a salient feature of my adult life, and the question here was whether I could trust Him even when it went contrary to everything I’ve learned He wants of humanity.”

Divine sources refused to disclose whether the extended warranty message received divine authorization before its transmission, or whether some malign actor exploited vulnerable avenues in a cynical attempt to reach “customers,” which represents  standard mode of operation among disingenuous marketer and scammers. Such scammers typically target the elderly, and Abraham, having passed his hundredth birthday years ago, sits firmly in the target demographic for such schemes.

A spokesangel warned of continued scamming attempts, especially deals that involve overpaying for a burial plot.

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