If Not Now Misses By A Week, Holds Yom Kippur Feast In Middle Of Sukkot

The belated discovery prompted a flurry of googling and discussions among the seven attendees how to coopt Sukkot for anti-Israel propaganda purposes.

New York, October 13 – A self-styled Jewish organization committed an error in planning its special Day of Atonement Solidarity with Palestinians Feast, an organization member acknowledged today, as the group realized only yesterday that it ended up holding the event not on the target day, but seven days later, three days into the eight-day Feast of Booths, known to moat Jews as Sukkot.

Chris Murphy, an activist with If Not Now, disclosed today that Wednesday morning’s Yom Kippur event took place a full week after the actual Yom Kippur, which occurs on the tenth of the Jewish month of Tishrei – this year that occurred Wednesday, October 5. Murphy acknowledged that the Jewish calendar, which measures lunar months, shifts from year to year relative to the fixed solar calendar that most of the world uses as the standard measure, especially since this past Jewish year included an extra, confusing month to maintain alignment with the seasons.

“It’s so hard to keep track of the Jewish calendar,” he admitted. “I think that’s what messed us up. Someone looked at the tenth of October, assuming that the Jewish month lines up with the civil month. But the tenth of October this year was a Monday, and somebody had already looked it up and remembered that Yum Kipper is Wednesday this year. So we moved it to the closest Wednesday. How were we supposed to know there’s another holiday just a few days after, called Tar-barnacles or something? We’re not Biblical scholars.”

“So anyway, after we had our solidarity feast, some fascist Zionist troll dragged us on Twitter, talking about something called Sook-oat?” he continued. “Most of us thought it was made-up, but it turns out it’s a real thing that goes back to the Bible itself! It’s not something I ever knew about. Pretty esoteric – not a lick of Tikkun Olam in it at first glance, anyway. The part about fasting was also weird. We’re not the ones who need to fast for atonement – that’s the Zionist imperialists. We’re the good guys.”

The belated discovery prompted a flurry of googling and discussions among the seven attendees how to coopt Sukkot for anti-Israel propaganda purposes. “We could call it the idealized place of the Jews – rootless, wandering in the wilderness,” suggested one. “Like the original booths, not in a land the Hebrews had to dispossess anyone from.”

“I like the palm frond thing compelling,” shared another. “It gets waved in various directions, like where Jews belong, not in any one place where their presence is a provocation to indigenous peoples.”

The group’s next planned activity involves a midday menorah-lighting ceremony to mark Veterans’ Day next month, in honor of Tu Bishvat, the Jewish New Year for Trees.

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