Anti-Gay Minister Mulls Letting Pride Parade Go On If At Least 3 Attendees Stabbed

“Three Shira Bankis a year is, we believe, a reasonable price to demand in exchange for the parade happening as planned.”

Jerusalem, December 13 – A legislator from the far-right fringe of Israel’s politics who has made a staple of his stated ambitions the cancelation of an LGBT march through the country’s capital indicated today that he might soften his position under certain conditions, such as the guarantee of an annual recurrence of the murder at said march of a teenage supporter of the cause, as occurred in 2015.

Deputy Minister Avi Maoz, 66, of the Jewish-identity-focused Noam Party that forms part of the alliance under the “Religious Zionist Party” label, disclosed to confidants Tuesday that his stiff opposition to the annual Pride event in Jerusalem can show some flexibility if organizers commit to arranging at least three stabbing murders of people watching or participating in the parade.

“Often the solution is staring you in the face the whole time,” an aide to Mr. Maoz explained. “The killing of Shira Banki in 2015, which at the time cast a pall on opponents of that immorality, as if we’re all murderous thugs and not just insecure in our own identities and commitment to the faith, actually offers us some guidance in reaching a workable compromise. Three Shira Bankis a year is, we believe, a reasonable price to demand in exchange for the parade happening as planned.”

Banki, 16 at the time, fell victim to the attack of a mentally-ill man, freshly-released from incarceration, who had adopted a radical ultra-orthodox lifestyle and sought to “defend” traditional mores. Prime Minister-elect Binyamin Netanyahu has sought to reassure Israelis that Maoz’s agenda will not affect the march or compromise the legal rights of LGBT Israelis in general, despite Maoz’s rhetoric against the groups involved and his intent to impose adherence only to Orthodox standards in such areas as conversion, marriage, and immigration.

“It doesn’t actually have to be a teenager,” added the aide. “Any attendee is fine – and we’ll have to get back to you on whether that includes law enforcement personnel deployed along the parade route, or whether those are out of bounds in this proposed arrangement. That will probably depend on how the rightmost fringe of the party feels that day about the police and military, given the fraught dynamic between that portion of the polity and the love-hate relationship they have with the people tasked both with protecting them from terrorism and with protecting the terrorists from them.”

The Jerusalem Pride Parade features none of the kink, salacious displays, or ostentatiousness of the much-larger and more-famous Tel Aviv Pride event, which Maoz lacks either the ability or courage to confront.

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