Jewish Space Laser Behind Schedule On California Wildfires

Disappointing third-quarter results from the California Wildfire Initiative of the Harvey and Jeanette Weinberg Space Laser.

New York, December 26 – Disappointing status reports came under review today at the shadowy Zionist organization that manipulates earthly events using advanced orbiting technology, indicating that the machine sparking blazes that have consumed millions of acres of brush, woodland, and some entire neighborhoods has operated with less efficiency than planned, calling into question whether the team operating the device will achieve its stated goals for 2022-23.

Department chiefs at world headquarters summoned their section leaders to an emergency meeting Monday following disappointing third-quarter results from the California Wildfire Initiative of the Harvey and Jeanette Weinberg Space Laser, insiders reported today, with confirmed figures showing as much as 33% less area destroyed than predicted in the action plan for the current year and potentially disrupting the overall scheme of destroying western culture, subjugating the masses, and cementing Jewish supremacy.

Internal reports on the wildfire shortfall cited several potential factors. First, the use of the Laser for mind-control purposes, a promising initiative still in its beta testing stage, occupied time that came at the expense of the wildfire-starting schedule. Mind-control lasers have long featured at the forefront of the cabal’s ambitions, but only in recent years has research and development achieved the breakthrough necessary to penetrate aluminum-foil hats. The chief accomplishment of the mind-control application of the Weinberg Laser occurred in late 2021 when operators trained the weapon on Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) and scrambled her brain, rendering her so stupid that she began to believe Jews operate space lasers. That success, however, had adverse effects on adherence to the California wildfire timetable.

Second, the reports noted, conflicting outcomes with the Weather Control and Cloud Theft Division, a collaboration with the Mossad, disrupted some of the winds that planners had counted on to spread the wildfires. Related factors included on-again, off-again climate change, which fluctuates in intensity depending on the dynamic political and rhetorical needs of the media to keep the population in the state of panic required to enable far-reaching violations of civil liberties with minimal resistance.

A third factor, which the reports note had a smaller effect than the other two categories, involves interference from the unpredictable actions of former President Donald Trump. Agents Jared and Ivanka managed to shepherd the senior Trump for years, but the old man’s continuing mental and emotional breakdown has rendered their task close to impossible once he flubbed the 2020 election, leading to January 6th and a litany of other missteps.

Space Laser Coordinators warned that if they cannot meet their targets again next year, they will have no choice but to rehabilitate Kanye West.

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