As Soon As We Figure Out Which Ancient Population To Unprovably Claim As Forebears, You Zionists Are FINISHED

by Muhammed el-Kurd, Palestinian activist and commentator

Washington, July 31 – Palestinians represent the uninterrupted genetic descendants of whichever people give us a more legitimate claim on indigenous status than the Jews have, be they Philistines, Canaanites, Samaritans, Natufians – the specific identity carries less importance than the goal: trying to be more native to the land than the Jews can. The moment we straighten out our argument as to which of those ancient or prehistoric groups are our ancestors, that will end the Zionist project.

It will be such a powerful moment! I, whose family name attests to my origins past the faraway Euphrates; the countless others with surnames such as ‘Masri’ whose proud lineage they can trace to Egypt; and who knows how many more, whose untainted Palestinian pedigree, as indicated by their clan names, places their forebears squarely in the Palestinian milieus of Syria, Jordan, Arabia, Turkey, and points beyond – all of us, united in the triumph of preempting Zionist claims to the land because we have landed the knockout punch of asserting our people were here as Jebusites! Perizites! Whoever those were. That part matters little, since no one can prove otherwise except by pointing to the massive non-Jewish migration to the land that the Zionist movement’s economic development prompted. Just don’t mention any influx of Balkan Muslims.

I know that using “lineage” or “genetics” as a litmus test for indigenous status can hit people the wrong way; it smacks of Nazi racial sensibilities. But the Nazis were allies of the Arab nationalist movement, and hosted the Mufti of Jerusalem, who promised to facilitate a Final Solution to the Jewish Problem in Palestine. Which we didn’t call it at the time, insisting that “Palestine” was the imperialist name for the place – it was “Southern Syria” or whatever. “Palestinians” meant Jews. Which could complicate the argument about indigeneity, but don’t expect our allies around the word to care about that. There are Jews to hate and oppress.

Other complications to avoid include the Waqf’s own guide from the 1920’s that boasted the Dome of the Rock is well-established as occupying the site of both ancient Jewish Temples – please be advised that the braggadocio about supplanting everything Jewish is less useful in the current age, and we must instead assert the Jews weren’t here, but we were, and we were the Jews, and called ourselves the Jews and not Palestinians until 1964 when we started calling ourselves that, which is confusing because “Palestinian” meant “Jew” before that. It’s difficult to keep track. But once we get our story straight, it’s curtains for you Zionists.

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