It will include an ensemble performing the piece 4’33 by John Cage.
Kabul, September 13 – The Islamist movement that governs this South Asian country in the wake of the American withdrawal in 2021 announced today that the capital will host an international celebration of the harmonic arts that will conform to the strict requirements of Islamic Sharia law, among them a ban on music – and that therefore the organizers have secured an agreement with an avant-garde Swiss pantomime-type performance ensemble to produce the main attraction.
Taliban spokesman Partip Oopr sent a notice to various media outlets today that in January 2024, the award-winning troupe Mummenschanz will headline the Performance Islam Gala (PIG) in the first of what organizers hope will become an annual celebration of the music permitted under Islamic law.
“We are proud to boast of this attraction,” stated Oopr. “This will help counter the racist argument of the West that our rule is in some way uncultured or unsophisticated. Mummenschanz is practically synonymous with highbrow culture. We see this as a win-win arrangement, even though ‘win-win’ isn’t really a concept that our zero-sum mentality will generally accept. Really we see it as a win-lose arrangement in our favor, since we win further international legitimacy and the West loses even more credibility.”
Oopr stated that other acts at the Islamic music festival will include a native ensemble performing the piece 4’33 by John Cage, consisting of an orchestra sitting idle while the ambient noise in the performing space takes “center” stage. “The beauty of the Cage composition is that nobody technically needs instruments, which can be notoriously hard to come by in Afghanistan, for some reason,” he explained.
Other performances in a similar vein include: a reading of the official curriculum for Afghan schoolgirls; a narration in eight languages, consecutively, of the Biden administration’s efforts to address the plight of Afghans in the wake of the disastrous US withdrawal; and a magic act in which the performer will attempt to discern between what one hears while wearing noise-canceling headphones and what one hears from The New York Times when news happens that does not fit into the Times narrative.
Organizers had hoped as well to secure the participation of a number of troupes or performers specializing in non-musical repertoire, but many of those acts feature women, often scantily-clad, which would violate Islamic sensibilities, unless those women were paraded as captive infidel women being led to sexual humiliation by noble Islamic warrior conquerors, when such displays suddenly lose their problematic association with unbridled Satanic libido.
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