“We’re all trying to figure out how this happened,” stated Masri, looking around at his angry comrades, the timbre of his words evoking Alvin the Chipmunk.
Shuja’iyya, Gaza Strip, October 12 – The latest round of Iran-sponsored violence against Israel at the border with this coastal territory featured far less effective airborne arson devices than in previous episodes, observers noted today, among them a local resident who professed his befuddlement at a noticeably higher frequency than his regular speaking voice.
“It’s a disappointment, yeah,” acknowledged Fashla Masri, 30, sounding like a Minion. “We all wanted these acts of resistance to hurt the Zionists as much as possible. For some reason though, the bunches of balloons didn’t go the distance we expected, or that precedent indicated they would. It’s a mystery, and, frankly, quite suspicious. My first assumption would be nefarious Zionist machinations.”
The most notorious such episode took place several years ago, and resulted in numerous brush fires and several close calls involving children – Hamas chose brightly-colored balloons with the specific aim of making the firebombs attractive to preschoolers too young to understand the situation. In 2023, however, the lackluster results of the aerial arson campaign prompted Gazan frustration, recriminations, and puzzlement.
“We’re all trying to figure out how this happened,” stated Masri, looking around at his angry comrades, the timbre of his words evoking Alvin the Chipmunk. “We have to get to the bottom of this or we risk the continual degradation and decay of our offensive capabilities. Anyone have any ideas or leads?”
“We really need those leads,” he continued, his voice taking on an urgent edge, rendered somewhat comic in its elevated frequency. “This might be the most important question to address, after some more fundamental ones such as how do we blame Israel for this, too, and how do we blame Qatar for cutting off some funding while not directly blaming Qatar for cutting off funding.”
Palestinian riots at the Gaza border captured global attention when they began in 2017, but faded in prominence as time wore on, eventually grinding to a halt. The recent flare-up began when Hamas sought to reassert its relevance in a changing Middle East that no longer perceives the Palestinian cause as a rallying cry, but as a nuisance that hampers advancement, both in the region and in individual Mideast countries. Former anti-Israel stalwart Saudi Arabia became the most recent, and most prominent, example recently with exchanges of minister-level official visits and talk of impending diplomatic relations between the historic enemies – especially as Saudi rival, Palestinian sponsor, and Israel nemesis Iran seeks nuclear weapons and sows instability throughout the realigning Middle East.
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