London Man Facing Rape, Battery Charges Will Attempt ‘Decolonization By Any Means’ Defense

“When it comes to the right cause, the law is a mere technicality.”

London, November 14 – An alleged perpetrator of sexual assault and other violent crimes against several women intends to invoke the same principles that Hamas and its supporters did during and after the group’s massacres in southern Israel last month: he will try to frame his actions as part of a noble effort to resist Zionist occupation, which, according to the rhetoric among “pro-Palestinians,” renders any and all brutality, no matter how demonic or gratuitous, legitimate, the man’s attorney disclosed today.

Aziz Bukhri, 26, faces eight counts of sexual assault, three of rape, and ten of battery, involving multiple victims over the course of six months. His barrister Dennis Spencer told reporters outside the courthouse today that his defense strategy will involve tapping into a sentiment popular on the London street of late: that sexual violence, brutality, and even murder are justified if the cause is a righteous one such as removing Jewish sovereignty from the ancient Jewish homeland – or, in Bukhri’s case, expressing solidarity with the cause by engaging in some of the behaviors that Palestinians did on October 7.

“As many prominent people have pointed out,” explained Spencer, “when Palestinians and people of conscience call for ‘resistance by any means,’ that means literally any means. Whatever it takes. If the methods of civil disobedience, mass protest, diplomacy, advocacy, and the like, fail, then more robust action is called far. The law might technically bar such activities as putting a baby in the oven and then gang-raping the mother as the child is incinerated, but the demonstrators in our streets have made clear that when it comes to the right cause, the law is a mere technicality.”

Analysts differ on the likelihood of the defense strategy succeeding. “It will depend to a large degree on the personality and sensibilities of the magistrate,” allowed legal expert Nelson Neill. “A progressive might be swayed by Barrister Spencer’s approach. It’s a strategy that dovetails with the prevailing sensibilities among some of our intellectual and political elites, notably in the Labor Party, but not exclusively.”

“In other circumstances it might have made sense to cast aspersions on the evidence itself,” explained Lord Chester Remy, a retired magistrate himself and a jurisprudential consultant. “But, similar to the way Hamas recorded themselves engaging in that behavior, the defendant in this case already confessed to every element of the charges. The only option remaining, if he is to have any hope of acquittal, or even leniency, will be to tie his actions to those of Hamas, which people are for some reason willing to excuse.”

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