Maggots Draw Straws Over Who Must Eat Hamas Corpse

None of them wish to sustain themselves on the flesh of someone so repulsive.

Khan Yunis, January 22 – A group of fly larvae began to fight today over which of them will be forced to consume the dead tissue of a terrorist who met his end in an Israeli airstrike over the weekend and whose body has yet to be collected, arthropod sources in the area disclosed today.

Around five hundred maggots that hatched Sunday morning on the corpse of Hamas fighter Marwan Sadr fell into bitter disagreement almost immediately, the sources recalled, since none of them wished to sustain themselves on the flesh of someone so repulsive. The group of maggots bickered for hours, with factions forming centered on the left calf, neck, both thighs, right upper arm, and three separate locations on the former Mr. Sadr’s abdomen, where their mother flies had deposited eggs late Saturday.

Only by Sunday evening had the fracas settled to some degree, when the rival groups of scavenging worms decided to use random chance to determine which clutch of fly larvae will be stuck eating the corpse of the distasteful, evil man. The losing group of maggots will remain in place on the Sadr carcass, while the others will enjoy the freedom to migrate to more acceptable carrion, such as rats, stray cats and dogs, crows, pigeons, spoiled meat, and other rotting organic matter in the vicinity.

“Obviously I hope it’s not us,” acknowledged a member of the left-calf group. “I get why no one wants to feed on this filth. It’s going to be the luck of the draw. None of us chose to be born here. If it does end up being us, maybe a reframing is possible. We could consider ourselves agents of divine retribution, dispensing poetic justice on someone who gloried in mass rape of Israelis, in torture. The grim duty isn’t something I particularly relish, but I can see reinterpreting the situation to make the result palatable morally, if not gustatorily.”

A representative of a rival group from the abdomen lamented that the maggots had not reached that arrangement sooner. “Some of us starved, refusing to partake of such an abomination,” it noted. “Others succumbed to the hunger and began eating the flesh where they were deposited – and now they will have to live with the shame and guilt. Can you imagine being forever tainted by association with the lowest form of life, knowing that you’ve made it an inseparable part of you? I think I’d throw myself into a burning flare.”

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