Rats, Roaches Pretty Sure They’ll Finish All The Food Aid Before Leftist Group Finally Gets Around To Delivering It To Gaza

“It’s primarily about feeling righteous, not about helping those who need it. I appreciate the selfishness. Game recognize game.”

Tel Aviv, September 8 – Vermin busy consuming the “famine relief” resources at a warehouse in central Israel expressed confidence today that they will have time to eat the entire stock of products, because the organization storing it remains unlikely in the foreseeable future to find a suitable public-relations moment to make an ostentatious demonstration of providing the relief to the starving Palestinians to the south.

Rats, roaches, houseflies, and various other creepy-crawlies made their prediction Thursday afternoon, following months of idleness in the facility rented by the Standing Together movement, which has been laboring to identify and exploit an opportunity to signal their righteousness in as public a fashion as possible by supplying several tons of food to Gaza, where reports of hunger persist despite no actual shortage of food or any spike in the incidence of malnutrition since Israeli operations in the territory began late last year.

“We’re pretty sure we can finish all of this before it can be delivered,” asserted Remy, the head of a rat clan that now numbers in the thousands. “I wasn’t so sure when the food storage began back in February, but back then we were just a handful of rats. In the intervening months we’ve had help from maggots, cockroaches, ants, and the occasional feral cat. With our reproduction rate and the approaching temperate weather of the autumn, it will take, I should say, no more than six weeks to get through the entire supply.”

The other scavengers seconded Remy’s assessment, with provisos. “Cold weather might set in and slow us down,” cautioned Ahmad, a cockroach. “That could extend the timetable into the winter. There’s certainly no air conditioning in here, so I doubt there’s going to be heating, either. There’s also the remote possibility, though it remains a possibility, that Standing Together will bite the bullet and decide to deliver whatever food is left.”

“I admit that latter possibility is a long shot,” he acknowledged. “Far-left activism doesn’t lend itself to effective aid operations. It’s primarily about feeling righteous, not about helping those who need it. I appreciate the selfishness. Game recognize game.”

Israeli Arabs who contributed the bulk of the foodstuffs have grumbled about the failed delivery of their donations, while Gazans who have tracked the project continue to complain that the organizers appear more interested in finding ways to create a disruption and media circus to embarrass Israel than in providing any actual aid.

“But we’re used to that from our own leaders already,” conceded a Deir al-Balah resident.

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