Report: Gaza Not Starving, Just Won’t Eat Because Full Of BS

The largest fecal element involves the notion that Israel can or will be destroyed.

Gaza City, September 15 – Journalists and observers from international aid organizations revised their longtime dire assessment of the food situation in this war-torn territory today, replacing their characterization of it as “famine” with “actually there’s plenty of food but no one has room for it because they’re so full of s***.”

Representatives of the World Food Programme, Oxfam, and other not-for-profit aid groups confirmed this morning that in fact malnutrition figures for the Gaza Strip have not exceeded pre-war levels in the eleven months since hostilities erupted in earnest last October 7 with a Hamas invasion and massacre in southern Israel. This lack of starvation persists despite alarm bells from the same organizations since October that Israel’s blockade of the territory put 2.3 million Gaza residents at risk, with apocalyptic descriptions of the depravations ahead if Israel continued its operations there. Israel did continue its operations, making significant strides toward crushing the Hamas threat, even as the IDF facilitated the entry of hundreds of food and aid trucks per day. The NGOs continued to warn of imminent famine throughout the ensuing months – and have now issued a statement recognizing that the fear of starvation stemmed from Gaza residents abstaining from the food, not for lack of it, but for excess of BS permeating the Gaza ecosystem and their own bodies.

“It turns out Palestinians don’t have much room for food because they’ve already swallowed so much horse***t,” explained International Committee of the Red Cross spokeswoman Wata Crock. “We never took that into account when we made our assessments over the last eleven months. It turns out that UNRWA, we at the Red Cross, the European Union, and various individual governments in Europe have been helping to shovel all that s*** down the throats of successive generations of Palestinians, with the largest fecal element the notion that Israel can or will be destroyed and it’s better to focus on pursuing that goal than on creating something positive for themselves as refugees always have.”

“That doesn’t leave much room for food no matter how much is delivered,” she noted.

The NGOs assured inquirers that the discovery will not change the way they discuss Gaza. “The facts aren’t the point,” stated an irritated Amnesty International representative. “You still think we care about facts? We have an agenda, and a narrative that serves that agenda. Now are you going to pick up that spoon full of crap and eat it, or do I have to force it into you?”

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