Government To Disappear Entirely After Decision To Cut ‘Unnecessary’ Ministries

Not a single one performs a necessary function, at least not well.

Jerusalem, September 18 – All official functions will be shut down in advance of net year’s national budget, Israel’s chief treasury official announced today, following cabinet approval to balance the budget by getting rid of superfluous institutions and personnel, a spokesman announced today.

Minister of Finance Betzalel Smotrich promised last week to shut down unnecessary ministries after the head of the country’s largest public-sector union, the Hisdtadrut, accused the government of hypocrisy over its other austerity and cost-cutting measures at the expense of taxpayers, while making no sacrifices that will affect the politicians who made the decisions to raise taxes, freeze public-sector salaries, hold increases on welfare allowances, and reduce services.

Ministry of Finance spokeswoman Hafarat Emunim told reporters Wednesday morning that the cabinet approval to shut down superfluous or unnecessary ministries led to the realization that every government ministry answers to that description, and as such will begin to cease all activities in the coming fiscal year.

“[Histadrut Chairman] Arnon Ben-David correctly noted that the decision-makers themselves remained insulated from the effects of their austerity decisions,” Emunim stated. “Minister Smotrich and his colleagues therefore committed to shutting down all the extraneous offices whose budgets put unnecessary strain on the taxpayer. A quick examination of all 28 government ministries determined that not a single one performs a necessary function, at least not one that the citizens have shown they can do better. So we’re cutting all of them.”

The spending cuts and tax increases announced earlier aim to address an impending fiscal crisis amid an expensive war with Hamas in Gaza, increased operations against Hezbollah in Lebanon and Hamas in Judea and Samaria, housing for evacuees from the north, economic disruption from decreased tourism and from many working men on reserve military duty, and the after-effects of COVID-mitigation policies.

Opposition politicians reacted with mixed feelings to the announcement. “I know we wanted this government gone, but that doesn’t mean we wanted all government gone,” complained Opposition leader Yair Lapid. “We wanted to replace them, not just get rid of them. On the other hand, this means no huge subsidies to the Haredim, so I guess on balance, that’s good. That’s the main issue for this society. I just hope that without government funding and coordination, the citizenry can continue the important work of blaming religious people for the situation we’re in. It’ll be a challenge to accuse yeshiva students of being parasites when we’ve already killed the host, but I believe in us.”

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