Hamas, Stop That Right Now, Or I Shall Be Forced To Frown!

By US President Barack Obama

The continuing rocket fire against Israeli communities is intolerable and must cease. If it does not, I will have no choice but to wear an unpleased facial expression.

I have already called on Israel to act with restraint, thus discharging my obligation to minimize with my rhetoric the value of that country’s military deterrence. Do not force me to express my misgivings with my lower face muscles – nay, even my brow – when you and your Islamic Jihad allies defy my pronouncements. It is a red line you my not cross.

Others would have my administration endorse a more aggressive policy, one that would penalize the Palestinians financially or diplomatically for maintaining a unity government with an organization engaged in terrorism as we speak. But that should not be necessary. The force of my personality should prove sufficient to deter further violations of my will, as it does in Iran, Iraq, Ukraine, and elsewhere.

Making a frown is perhaps extreme for some, who would rather see me ignore the situation entirely. To them, I say what good would that accomplish? Remaining silent would condone the ongoing violence. What is necessary here is a clear condemnation of the violence, but not one that would commit actual resources to giving the condemnation any teeth. I do not show teeth. Facial expressions featuring teeth are not in keeping with the dignity of this office. A proper presidential smile is disdainful, even haughty. Toothless.

There is no reason to take measures that would add to the suffering. It is sufficient to let others cause the suffering, and scold them for doing so. Action is far too reminiscent of Vietnam, of Lyndon Johnson, when the effect we seek is much more closely represented by Neville Chamberlain. He was a firm personality. It is that firmness for which we strive now.

Do not defy me, Hamas. I have reserved my most withering scowl in case you do.