Minister Of Genocide Forced To Resign Over Persistent Failures

Skulls from the Rwandan Genocide of 1994, an achievement not even approached by Yaar and his predecessors.

Jerusalem, July 27 – An Israeli  political career came to an ignominious end today when the Minister for Genocidal Affairs announced his resignation, following a scathing governmental report on the failure of the ministry to implement any sort of genocide at all, despite having decades in which to perform it.

An audit by the State Comptroller, published last week, found that despite having more than forty years to wipe out the Palestinian residents of of the territories captured in 1967, the Ministry of Genocidal Affairs had failed at every turn to adopt policies that would even make a dent in those populations. In fact, the report said, the Palestinian populations of the West Bank – including the eastern part of Jerusalem – and the Gaza Strip had skyrocketed, a damning statistic that is widely seen as confirmation that the ministry’s efforts have been hobbled by incompetence and lack of will. As a result, Minister Bobby Yaar decided to tender his resignation this morning.

“The Ministry of Genocidal Affairs talks a good game,” said Mustafa Massikr, who studies Israeli ethnic cleansing. “But in fact we have yet to document even a single reliable instance of systematic killing of civilians in the Occupied Territories that could be seriously considered part of any systematic attempt to remove the population wholesale. And that’s a searing indictment of not just Yaar, but of all of his predecessors and the entire roster of ministry employees.”

Yaar assumed the portfolio under Prime Minister Olmert in 2006, and was reappointed by Netanyahu in subsequent administrations. The latter is expected to accept the resignation, but just as likely to come under fire for allowing such an obviously incompetent office to continue functioning this long.

The Ministry of Genocidal Affairs is officially under the aegis of the Ministry of Defense. It is unclear how much of the annual defense budget is allocated for the Genocide Ministry, as large parts of the defense budget remain classified. However, several sources within the Ministry of Defense with knowledge of the allocations painted a more nuanced picture.

“I rather suspect the Genocide Ministry was getting no funding at all,” said one official, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “It may well be that the timing of the report, just when the IDF and Ministry of Defense are so prominent in every major news item, was calculated by Yaar as a protest, an attention-getting ploy.”

A second Defense official agreed with that assessment, but downplayed the notion that no funding at all was directed toward genocide. “Some of the defense budget is directed at coordinating with UN agencies such as UNRWA, and they have shown they are more than willing to condone genocide,” he said.