Chief Palestinian Negotiator Saeb Erekat called a press conference today to announce that the Palestinian unity government had raised $5.4 Billion worth of Berlin Milkies. “The resale profit from Milkies sold here in the Zionist Entity should enable every PA minister to buy a third home in the French Riviera as well as redo their kitchen area,” Erekat said. “If there is any money left over we may invest the rest of the funds in Kassams and education, in that order,” he added.
Milkies are a pudding snack with a thick top layer of imitation whipped cream, packaged in individual serving cups. The idea for replacing currency with Milkies was inspired by the recent “Milky protest” led by Israelis who had expatriated to Berlin, using the price difference on the product in the two countries as an example of the high cost of living in Israel. The former Israelis pointed out that in Berlin the Milkies are less than a fifth of the price, the vacation days more plentiful, and the public transportation via cattle car to the Polish countryside completely free.
Not all Palestinian leaders were as optimistic. Khaleed Meshaal, leader of the hardline Hamas faction, fumed “Milky is a tool of Zionist oppression and we will never normalize relations with either the chocolate pudding component or the whipped cream on top”. Other Hamas leaders vowed to renew hostilities with Israel if “even that disgusting imitation Milky from Tnuva, whatever it’s called,” is delivered to the coastal Gaza Strip. Neither one specified a particular attitude toward the vanilla, coffee, or other flavors of Milky.
In Israel, Minister of Justice Tzipi Livni praised the Milky initiative. “The only way to end the cycle of violence and endless war is by crossing the figurative bridge that the Palestinians are pudding forth,” she said. Livni’s Hatnuah party is a member of the governing coalition.
Opposition Members of Knesset were less enthusiastic. “Obviously the Milkies given to the Palestinians were German and not Israeli,” remarked Zahava Gal-On, head of the dovish Meretz party. “Netanyahu and his government of right-wing extremists are simply incapable of making the necessary concessions of Israeli Milkies, weapon caches, nuclear stockpiles and strategic launching points to the Palestinians in order to achieve a final solution between our 2 peoples,” she concluded. MK Jamal Zahalka of the Arab Balad party further claimed, “The Zionist war criminals continue to expropriate Arab and Palestinian dairy products for their own cynical purposes. The Palestinian connection to Milky goes back thousands of years, and anyone who denies this is racist. In fact the authentic name for the product is Maliki, and our Canaanite ancestors were producing it long before the Jews came along.”
United Stated Secretary of State John Kerry expressed hope. “The packaging of an Israeli Milky, with its Hebrew letters and its ‘Made in Israel’ stamp, fuels Arab resentment and harms the peace process, as they represent a sovereign Jewish country – but these Berlin Milkies, with their German lettering, will help strengthen the moderates among the Palestinians as we work towards a two- Palestine state solution.”
Guest contributor: Saeb Erekat – @NotSaebErekat on Twitter.
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