Study: Jews Building Homes Biggest Threat To Human Safety

New York, November 8 – A new United Nations report released today on global phenomena representing existential threats to mankind points to Israel’s construction activity as the leading danger to the species’ survival.

The 100-page report by the United Nations Sustainability and Stability Council analyzes nearly a dozen threats facing civilization, including climate change, pollution, epidemics, soil erosion, genocidal warfare, hunger, and poverty, and concludes that Israel building homes for Jews outstrips the other dangers by a factor of of nearly two to one.

“Humanity has survived for this long despite armed conflict, rampant famine, and plagues,” notes the report, “but the relatively new phenomenon of Jews building homes in areas where Arabs wish there not to be Jews has traumatized the environment and civilization itself, neither of which is prepared to withstand such an assault.”

The immediate effects of the construction, emphasizes the document, include Arabs losing control of their ability not to go around killing people. “Several have been known to simply ‘snap’ and start running over pedestrians,” says the report.

UNSSC spokesperson, Alma Lake explained, “Until this study it was impossible to determine which provoked the other, but now, after interviewing over 2000 residents of the Israeli Arab village of Shuafat, it is abundantly clear that Israeli home-building provokes these violent incidents in which upstanding, innocent Arab men lose control of their cars and kill Israelis.”

Human Rights Watch Executive Director Kenneth Roth praised the report for its “sober analysis,” but faulted the panel for not devoting more attention to the inherently evil nature of a Jewish State. “It is racist to allow one ethnicity to have its own state,” he told an audience of Hungarian, Russian, German, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, French, Irish, Polish, Czech, Ukrainian, Nepalese, Iranian, Greek, Moroccan, Tunisian, Argentinian, Ecuadorean, Brazilian, Peruvian, Fijian, Portuguese, Malaysian, Lithuanian, Bolivian, Chilean, Ethiopian, Saudi, and Finnish journalists.