Hamas Cancels Online Order After Misunderstanding ‘Blow-Up Dolls’

Gaza City, January 2 – The Islamist movement that controls the Gaza Strip urgently sought to undo an order it placed with an online vendor after discovering that the blow-up toys in the order were in fact inflatable, and not explosive.

Izzedine-el-Kassam Brigades purchasing coordinator Ayma Ful purchased hundreds of blow-up dolls via an online business operating via the e-commerce giant Amazon, thinking them the perfect toy to plant in Israeli preschools or playgrounds and wreak havoc. But this morning he saw the order confirmation in his inbox, and realized something was amiss. Instead of innocent-looking dolls of the sort clutched by little girls, the list of items included a case of 200 inflatable, life-size dolls of the sort generally associated with lonely, libidinous men.

Ful returned to the site and reviewed the order in the Kassam Brigades purchasing history, and realized he had misapprehended the description of the dolls. He then set about trying to cancel the order, and spent an agonizing hour and a half tracking down someone on the New Year holiday to confirm that in fact the inflatable sexual partners would not be shipped to the designated location.

“It was a harrowing experience,” confessed the 33-year-old Ful. “The Israeli siege means we have to have everything shipped elsewhere and smuggled in, and I prefer not to imagine what our Sudanese brethren would think when they opened the packages to arrange for smuggling through Egypt and discovered their actual contents.” He shuddered at the thought.

In retrospect, said Ful, the price of the dolls made little sense for explosive toys instead of inflatable ones. “I should have realized it’s cheaper to make inflatables than to find someone who will embed a bomb in large numbers of children’s toys,” he sighed. “It just seemed such a good deal that I rushed into it without checking.”

Ful’s superiors were understanding. “He clearly meant well, and he caught the mistake in time,” said Ful’s commander, Sadmi Imbsil. “The only justification I can think of for sustaining the order is to preserve our reputation at Amazon as a reliable buyer, but clearly that’s outweighed here.” There was a note of regret in his voice.

The episode recalls a similar incident last year when Ful’s predecessor ordered 300 cases of Chapstik, misunderstanding the term “lip balm.”