Rowling Reveals Voldemort Modeled On Muhammad

Rowling was last seen donning a Burqa, leaving the building, and blending into the crowd.

Edinburgh, Scotland, January 21 – In a shocking revelation, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling told reporters yesterday that the inspiration for the Lord Voldemort character in her blockbuster series of fantasy novels was none other than the Muslim Prophet Muhammad.

Voldemort, also known as the Dark Lord, serves as the arch-nemesis of the title character, and seeks dominance of the wizarding world. He leads a cult of ‘Death Eaters’ devoted to the extinction of  undesirable wizards and the subjugation of all non-magical people – a goal that Rowling reveals was specifically adapted from the Islamist objective of conquering all infidels.

Previously Rowling had emphatically stated that “Voldemort was not based directly on anyone dead or alive and that’s that.”  That is, until Wednesday, when Rowling divulged the reason for the change on the fan site Pottermore.com, “I was compelled to reveal the basis of the character due to these horrid inflammatory rumors which threatened to ruin the past five years of my life’s work.”

According to sources in the publishing world, Rowling was referring to North Korean rumors claiming that Voldemort was based upon the Israelite prophet Moses.  Rowling was referring to her project on behalf of the B’nei Brak, Israel, school district to excise all female characters from her novels in keeping with their modesty sensibilities. The school district had threatened to terminate the project immediately when it learned that the character was based on Moses.

When asked how formulating a fictional character on Moses was problematic, school district spokesman Rabbi Ghor Fachnyukt answered, “Do you have any idea how blasphemous this is?  She comes in here, charges us to do a few small edits on something she’s already written.  And then we find out that one of her main characters is based upon the greatest of our prophets.  She should be paying us!”

Rowling lamented that after all that hard work her clients threatened to drop the whole project because of a misunderstanding.  “Well, they got the prophet part and the letter ‘M’ part right.  But that’s all they got right.  I wasn’t about to lose everything because of a false rumor.  I was forced to reveal the true inspiration for the chief villain.”

When asked if she considered that Muslims may not be pleased by her revelation she responded, “We’re talking about Voldemort.  He’s the most powerful character throughout the whole series, up until the last ten pages or so.  And this is Islam, which everyone knows is a religion all about peace, love and tolerance.  I loosely fashioned him as homage to the Prophet, peace be unto him.  Originally I was going to call him, ‘He Whose Visage Shall Not Be Depicted,’ but that just didn’t have the bounce of ‘He Who Must Not Be Named’. ”

Immediately following this announcement Rabbi Fachnyukt announced the school board had cancelled their order.  “Bottom line, I don’t care where she got the character from, we can’t have ‘loosely fashioned’ anything in our book”.

Rowling could not be reached for reaction to the cancellation.  She was last seen donnning a Burqa, leaving the building, and blending into the crowd.  She has not been seen or heard from since Wednesday afternoon.

Please support our work through Patreon.