In Nod To Zionist Control, Woman On New $20 Bill To Be Golda Meir

The new issue acknowledges the central role that the International Zionist Conspiracy plays in American governance, while maintaining the quest to honor a woman.

Washington, April 18 – The campaign to replace the visage of President Andrew Jackson on the American twenty-dollar note with that of a woman came to an end today with an announcement by the Federal Reserve that it had made its selection: Golda Meir, an Israeli leader who served as Prime Minister from 1969-1974. The Fed announcement explained that the selection was made in keeping with the need to please the US’s Zionist overlords.

Meir’s countenance was chosen over previous frontrunners Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, and Wilma Mankiller. A Federal Reserve spokesman told reporters that the organization, which instructs the Bureau of Printing and Engraving on the design and production of the various denominations of currency, felt compelled to acknowledge the central role that the International Zionist Conspiracy plays in American governance, while maintaining the quest to honor a woman with a place on the $20 bill.

“The role of the Federal Reserve has always been one of balancing competing interests, albeit generally of a strictly fiscal or monetary nature,” said Fed representative Learned Elder. “In this case, however, there wasn’t much of a competition – we were able to find an inspirational woman who also happened to be an influential Zionist.”

Meir, born Golda Mabovitch in Ukraine under the Russian Czar in 1898, moved to Milwaukee as a child and became active in Zionist circles as an adolescent. She married and moved to Palestine under the British Mandate in the early 1920’s, and gradually rose in the ranks of the Zionist leadership, where her close ties to iconic founding figure David Ben-Gurion helped pave the way toward Meir’s ascent to the premiership after the death of Levi Eshkol in 1969. Over the course of her political career she served in numerous posts and cultivated relationships with American leaders such as Kennedy, Nixon, and Lyndon Johnson.

Ms. Meir’s American upbringing played an important factor in the decision to honor her with the twenty, said Elder. “Golda Meir was both Zionist and American, and we at the Federal Reserve are gratified to be able to satisfy both constituencies with this selection.”

Placement on US bills will mark the third time Meir will appear on paper currency. In 1986 the Bank of Israel issued a new 10-shekel note with Meir gracing its front side. The new note replaced a nearly-identical 10,000-shekel bill; the New Israeli Shekel replaced an inflation-weakened previous currency. In 1995 a coin replaced the bill, and Meir’s visage disappeared from currency as the notes were recalled; Israeli coinage uses reproductions of the flora appearing on ancient Judean currency, rather than people.

Feminist leaders cheered the decision. “Golda Meir was a trailblazer – only the fourth woman ever to be elected head of government,” said Gloria Steinem. “It’s hard to think of a more worthy candidate, given the constraints of needing to find one acceptable to the Zionist rulers. I think the Federal Reserve made a good choice.”