Volkswagen To Monitor Iranian Nuclear Compliance

“Volkswagen’s origins in 1930’s Germany are an appropriate metaphor for the current process,” said Zarif.

Wolfsburg, Germany, October 14 – Automotive giant Volkswagen has been selected to perform some of the important monitoring functions of the Iran nuclear deal, the International Atomic Energy Agency announced today.

The manufacturer’s chief role will involve the development and implementation of software to detect evidence of atomic pursuits that may violate the terms of the agreement, which is intended to curb the Islamic Republic’s pursuit of nuclear weapons technology. IAEA officials said Volkswagen was selected because of its reputation for software and hardware involved in the analysis of environmental conditions related to its diesel engines.

“This was a natural fit,” said Foksgaard DeHenhaus of the Agency. “Volkswagen’s engine management software has done an exemplary job of determining when certain concentrations of unacceptable particles are in the vicinity, and acting accordingly to achieve the proper readings, which is exactly what we are looking for in terms of JCPOA enforcement and monitoring.”

It remains uncertain whether Iran’s government will ratify the deal, but a Volkswagen spokesman said only minor modifications need be made to the software to adapt it to the requirements of the JCPOA. “The technology to actually detect the emissions is not a proprietary Volkswagen product – that aspect of the equipment is not our specialty,” explained company Vice President for Public Affairs Debigg Lye. “Where we excel in this regard, and where the IAEA sought our services, is in equipment management software that will do the best job at ensuring that monitoring of the agreement goes as smoothly as possible.”

Iranian officials welcomed the decision, saying that Volkswagen had a proven track record of minimizing tensions with those immediately affected by its software and the equipment it manages. “Volkswagen is a fine company with exactly the credentials that Iran seeks in a compliance monitoring entity,” said Foreign Minister Javad Zarif. “Volkswagen’s origins in 1930’s Germany are an appropriate metaphor for the current process.”

Some logistical hurdles remain if Volkswagen is to finalize its participation, such as the availability of company vehicles allowed on the road, given the number of such units that require replacement of the current engine management software. Lye assured reporters there would be no problem overcoming that obstacle, one way or another.

American officials greeted the announcement with more circumspection, but offered a cautious welcome. “It is important to have a competent organization responsible for the essential monitoring tasks,” said Secretary of State John Kerry. “While we await the results of the process, we wish to offer our hope that in this mission Volkswagen lives up to the reputation and ideals of its founder, Mr. Adolph Hitler.”