I Can’t Believe The Hypocrisy I Have To Defend Here At State

By John Kirby, State Department Spokesman

As a former rear admiral in the US Navy and a PR and media relations officer for many years, I’ve faced my share of policies and activities that were a challenge to explain and support. But nothing in my career prepared for the level of hypocrisy I’m supposed to defend as spokesman for the State Department.

You should have seen me at the lectern this week and last, trying to explain that what my boss said isn’t what my boss said, or doing my best to avoid actually answering a question about the bombing of that hospital in Afghanistan. I’m surprised the camera didn’t show me wanting to crawl into a hole and die when AP correspondent Matt Lee contrasted our reaction to the bombing of the Médecins Sans Frontières clinic with our reaction to Palestinian casualties in Gaza during Israel’s last war there. There I was, pleading for patience and taking the eminently reasonable stance that everyone should wait for the results of our investigation to determine whether any gross violations of the Laws of Armed Conflict had occurred, and Lee brings up our immediate condemnation of Israel under similar circumstances last year. I did my best to talk around the question, insert catch phrases and platitudes, maybe even change the subject, but it was a dismal failure. And I’m supposed to be good that this. I guess some hypocrisy is too obvious.

Then this week I had to handle Secretary Kerry’s statement that the status quo on the Temple Mount had changed, and that was the source of the current wave of Palestinian-Israeli violence. Of course Israel hasn’t changed anything, and the claim is just an excuse to rile up the Palestinians and get them to riot, but I work for Mr. Kerry. As you can imagine, it was a tense few hours before we were able to come up with an almost-passable retraction. It’s been rough.

I do hope nobody starts bringing up the Iran deal again, because that thing is a bitch to defend. It’s got more holes than a wheel of Swiss cheese at a firing range. And Iran won’t abide by it anyway. But I’m supposed to talk it up like it’s the answer to the world’s prayers, and no, of course it won’t lead to exactly the kinds of developments in Syria and Yemen that we’ve claimed to be trying to avoid for years now. Oops.

And don’t get me started on Vladimir Putin. The guy’s been riding shirtless circles around us forever, but whose job is it to explain how things are going exactly as we planned? That’s right. Yours truly.

I should go back to the navy. Better to risk drowning than to have to defend this level of hypocrisy.