NJ Band Plans Israel Gig So Roger Waters Will Object, Create Exposure

“If washed-up performers such as Elvis Costello can desperately insert themselves into headlines by announcing a boycott, there’s no reason we can’t ride the same wave.”

Credit: Alterna2 via Wikimedia Commons

Mahwah, New Jersey, November 1 – A local band struggling to make a name for itself has hit upon a plan to leverage the celebrity of artists promoting the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement against Israel to generate much-needed publicity, the band’s lead guitarist told reporters today (Sunday).

Celiac Knights, a quartet of rock musicians in this northern Garden State township, announced a series of engagements in Israel during December and January, specifically aiming to attract the attention of Roger Waters, the former Pink Floyd front man who has taken to trying to prevent musicians from performing in Israel in an effort to pressure the Jewish state culturally and economically. Lead guitarist and singer Trevor Marino said the group had booked appearances at three venues in the Tel Aviv area in the period immediately following Christmas, even though no one in the band is Jewish, has ever been to Israel, or thinks they stand a chance of selling any tickets there.

“We of course welcome the opportunity to take our music to a larger, more diverse audience than before,” explained Marino, 19, who dropped out of high school after his sophomore year to focus on the band. “But we haven’t tracked a single download of our songs to Israel, so that’s more of a long shot. The real goal here is to get Mr. Waters’s attention, since, as we understand it, he’s passionate about keeping groups from performing in Israel.” If all goes according to plan, Celiac Knights will soon be a household word among both supporters and opponents of an Israel boycott, for which the costs of reservations and bookings at the three Israeli venues are a small price to pay.

“We’re not looking to fill a big concert hall, or even a club,” said bassist Glenn MaGuire. “Hell, I don’t know whether Israel even has any of those. I think the guy we spoke to said something about a cultural center, an old age home, and something called a pah-yiss, whatever that is.” He checked a message on his phone and added, “Bat Yam? Is that a place? OK. Tzuba. Like, the brass instrument but with a ‘tz’? Cool. And Or Yehuda? Like, that’s the name? It starts with ‘Or’? That’s so meta.”

Maguire said the idea was first floated by drummer Keith Wheeler, who had read about Jon Bon Jovi’s recent Tel Aviv concert over the vociferous protests of Roger Waters. “Keith realized it’s publicity waiting to happen. If washed-up performers such as Elvis Costello can desperately insert themselves into headlines by announcing a boycott, there’s no reason we can’t ride the same wave.”