Israel Repairing Fictitious Dams To Open On Gaza Again

The IDF unit responsible for maintaining the pretend dams is the same one that controls the world banking system.

Zikkim, Israel, November 4 – Following last year’s success in flooding the Gaza Strip during torrential rain by opening nonexistent dams in the south of Israel, the Home Front Command is in the throes of an effort to bring those imaginary facilities back to full functionality after a dusty dry season so that the coastal territory can be inundated again if necessary.

Insufficient drainage and poor infrastructure maintenance in parts of the Gaza Strip led to a deluge of parts of the strip last winter, an event that Palestinians – and credulous Western journalists in their wake – blamed on Israel purposely opening dams in the vicinity, though no such dams exist outside the bizarre fantasies of anti-Israel agitators. However, with the proven Zionist ability to infiltrate almost anywhere, Israeli defense officials said they had managed to gain control of the minds of the people imagining the existence and opening of such dams, and are preparing them for use again this coming winter.

“In the fantasy world where these dams exist, there are parallel phenomena also exclusive to that realm,” explained IDF Colonel Matzav Hazui. “Among those phenomena is the notion that Israel seeks the suffering of the Palestinians, as opposed to the real world, in which Israel does what it can to keep life normal for them, since stability is in Israel’s interest. But even in that La-La-Land of anti-Israel hate, we can occasionally penetrate and conduct operations. Inside that realm, of course, we have to operate by its rules, so such operations must naturally be aimed mainly at generating Palestinian misery. Opening the imaginary dams is a no-brainer.”

Analysts gave additional reasons for causing the fictitious dams to flood Gaza. “The chief metaphor that Hamas invokes when threatening Israel is ‘opening the gates of hell’ and the like,” explained commentator Noah Zark. “So in that same metaphorical realm, it makes sense to douse the emerging flames of hell with as much water as possible.” He also suggested that yanking the chains of haters for entertainment plays a role.

“The IDF unit responsible for maintaining the pretend dams is the same one that controls the world banking system, the financial markets, the media, governments, the harvesting of Palestinian organs, the poisoning of Arab water sources, the spread of the Black Plague in medieval Europe, ‘degenerate’ music in Nazi Germany, and a plethora of other demanding imaginary tasks,” said Zark. “They need to cut loose every once in a while, so this is how they do it.”

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