Spate Of Stabbings Has Rendered Teen Girls Unable To Even

Now they cannot even at least fifteen times per day, up from an average of only nine times per day before the current wave of attacks began nearly two months ago.

Ra’anana, November 11 – A report by the Ministry of Health has found that the recent wave of violent Palestinian attacks on Jews, mostly by stabbing, has had psycho-emotional effects on teen girls, who now face increased difficulty when they attempt to even.

A study of 920 female high school students discovered that the teens report that now they cannot even at least fifteen times per day, up from an average of only nine times per day before the current wave of attacks began nearly two months ago. The increased figure includes various types of being unable to even, such as literally even, just can’t even, literally just can’t even, and just literally cant even, among others.

Ministry officials say the figure represents the augmented stress levels associated with the current security situation. “Like, before? Girls could be, like, whatever, but now, with all these, like, attacks? A lot of girls simply can’t even,” explained study author Cher Horowitz. “It’s like, ‘don’t go there, girl,’ all over the place.”

The study found no significant differences in compromised ability to even among different demographics, including both Jewish and non-Jewish Israelis. While the immediate source of concern that prompted the increased stress differs among various demographics, overall teenage girl ability even has suffered to essentially the same degree across the population. “A Jewish teenage girl in, like, Ra’anana or whatever, might be all, ‘Oh no, I might get stabbed or run over by a Palestinian – I can’t even,'” said Horowitz. “But at the same time, a Bedouin, or like a Muslim? They’ll be all, like, ‘I’m getting looked at with suspicion wherever I go, and somebody might, like, shoot me for just looking funny because they, like, think I’m a terrorist? I literally can’t even.'”

Even among populations less typically associated with inability to even, the study found that the recent attacks have had the same deleterious effect. In what the report authors called a startling development, Haredi teenage girls exhibited much of the same difficulty in evening as their secular and less overtly religious counterparts. The only variation worth noting among that demographic, said the report, was the specific varieties of can’t even that Haredi teens expressed. Whereas the preponderance of inability to even among the general population involved literally can’t even and just can’t even, but most often an unretouched can’t even, Haredi girls tended much more frequently to find themselves takkeh unable to even, mamish unable to even, or eppis unable to even.