Sh*t Tired Of Getting Real

“It’s been a very long time since I got real this often, and this badly,” said sh*t.

Paris, November 15 – Following the murders of 129 people in the French capital Friday night, sh*t expressed its frustration and irritation at the frequency and intensity with which it has become real.

Seven separate but coordinated terrorist attacks hit Paris Friday, involving shootings and suicide bombings, apparently perpetrated by Muslim, including some who held French citizenship. The attacks have driven home to some Europeans the necessity to reexamine the Continent’s non-restrictive immigration and internal movement policies, as well as potential expansion of military activities in the Middle East to help defeat the Islamic State, which took credit for the attacks. While the sobering implications of those prospects have provided Europe with at least a direction for discourse and policy, that very same dawning of sobering awareness fills sh*t with annoyance.

“I used to have to get real only in everyday situations, mostly in terms of individual relationships,” lamented sh*t. “My favorite is definitely when someone is talking me about another person without realizing that the subject of the dissing is right there in the room, and then there comes this moment of dawning comprehension. A close second is when somebody’s boasting about some amazing ability, thinking there’s no way they’ll be called upon to prove that prowess, when all of a sudden it becomes necessary, and you just know they’re full of me.”

“It’s been a very long time since I got real this often, and this badly,” said sh*t. “I have no problem doing so occasionally on a grand scale, but with all the me going down in the Middle East, and the way I’m hitting the fan in Europe, it’s far too intense even for me.” Sh*t recalled, with a note of fondness, getting real when Nazi Germany invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941, and then again six months later when the Imperial Japanese Navy bombed Pearl Harbor and ushered in the Pacific War. But while those instances of sh*t getting real were sustained, they happened only once – as opposed to recent episodes, when the getting real is initiated repeatedly, in similar ways, each time with only slightly different details and individuals involved. “That me gets tedious,” sh*t confessed.

“I have to say I don’t mind when people who don’t know me start spouting me, and then I get all real on them,” said sh*t. “But I can do without the same me, different day, that just keeps happening. That’s some stupid me right there.”