Butcher Thinks Speaking English Means You Want Thanksgiving Turkey

“I have it ready for you in Tuesday or Wednesday, yes?”

Jerusalem, November 25 – The proprietor of a meat and poultry establishment assumes that if your first language is English, you definitely want to buy a whole turkey to prepare for Thursday, sources at the Mahane Yehuda market are reporting.

Several purchasers of chicken, beef, lamb, and packaged frozen fish related that over the last week, the butcher in question has offered to have a whole turkey ready for you to pick up in time to get it into the oven in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner, only to be repeatedly surprised that not all English-speakers are of American extraction, and that even those who are do not necessarily maintain the Thanksgiving traditions of the old country.

“You want a turkey? I order for you special,” the butcher said to you. “Twenty-five shekel a kilo. Is good price. I have it ready for you in Tuesday or Wednesday, yes?”

Sources report that the butcher, who runs the business established by his now-retired father, evidently assumes that although you wish to obtain a large bird for the feast, you need to be asked if that is the case, and that if the question remains unasked, you will forgo the extra detail of having a turkey at Thanksgiving. Alternatively, they say, he believes that Americans are a forgetful lot, and will not remember to buy a massive bird if not prompted by him.

Additionally, the butcher apparently lacks confidence in the performance of his glass display case, which has prominently featured a whole turkey for the several weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, in case you happened to be looking for a place to buy such a bird. Observers note that not only you, but several of your English-speaking acquaintances have received a similar offer from said proprietor, in case they, too, might be interested in such an impulse purchase.

“Is a good price!” added the butcher.

Analysts note that this is not the first time the butcher has made incorrect assumptions about the cultural practices, ancestry, and buying habits of customers. “We’ve definitely seen something very similar before,” said retail consultant Mark Ketting. “According to my market studies from the last several years, this butcher has made you the same offer for four years running, and each time seems taken by surprise upon discovering that you either aren’t American or don’t plan on hosting a dinner that includes enough for a whole turkey to feed.”

At press time, you were patiently explaining to the butcher once again that many Israeli ovens can’t even fit a whole turkey in them.

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