Imbeciles Torn Over Blaming Global Warming Or Israel For ISIS

Other, more marginal causes have occasionally been advanced by stupid individuals, but none have gained the traction of the two competing idiotic theories.

London, November 26 – People of limited intelligence and an appalling lack of critical thinking skills are divided over which evil phenomenon to which they can attribute the brutal rise of the Islamic State, with proponents of rival camps engaging in heated disagreement whether Israel or global warming is at fault.

The Prince of Wales, New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, and other prominent imbeciles have variously attributed the ascent and success of Daesh, as it is known by its Arabic acronym, either to a drought that hit Syria and parts of Iraq in 2009, or to Israel, which would stand to benefit from an Arab world divided against itself and distracted by the group. Other, more marginal causes have occasionally been advanced by stupid individuals, but none have gained the traction of the two major competing idiotic theories.

Partisans of the idiotic global warming argument, including the prince and Friedman, point to statements by American President Barack Obama that climate change represents the number one threat to global security. “Obama is in a position to know,” insisted Friedman. “That’s why he’s willing to suborn economic development to environmental concerns – for example with the Keystone Pipeline. We see no such commitment from this administration when it comes to the Islamic State itself. Obviously, that’s because the president rightly prioritizes addressing the roots of the problem over merely treating the symptoms. You can bet as securely as I did on the Oslo peace process that once climate change is taken care of, the Islamic state will disappear almost as an afterthought.”

In the other corner stand a varied group of activists and agitators who dispute the link between climate and Daesh. Instead, these willful imbeciles note the many ways in which Israel could benefit from the success of the Islamic State, employing a tool of reasoning that has only been wrong the vast majority of the time: determining who stands to gain the most from a given development and mapping that exactly to the culprit. “It’s a simple question of connecting the dots,” said blogger Richard Silverstein. “With the inerrant starting assumption that the world’s evils begin and end with Zionism, it’s an airtight case. It’s how we know the moon landings were faked, that Castro was behind Kennedy’s assassination, and that 9/11 was an inside job.”

An Arab world busy fighting the Islamic State cannot focus on helping the Palestinians, explained Silverstein. That is why, for example, before the rise of ISIS, Palestinians throughout the Middle East were the recipients of a constant stream of affection and care from their Arab brethren.

“Some people have attempted to bridge the two camps by suggesting that Israel is behind global warming, but I don’t think that properly accounts for events,” he added. “I mean, it’s the oil from Arab countries that’s the proximate cause of global warming. A little critical thinking never hurt anyone,” said the conspiracy theorist.